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Also, on createspace -
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Are you listening ?
Anyone ????
Showing posts with label Mine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mine. Show all posts
Monday, July 5, 2010
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
The Train Story - 2
It was past midnight. We had hit Coimbatore late by an hour. I was trying to transcend from the coma my mind was in.
“Is there a problem? We are here for more than what it normally takes” I told Mr. Dad who seemed the only other soul in my compartment, awake. He shrugged and returned to his magazine. Mr Dhoti took the upper birth. The kids were buried in blankets. Their mom amused herself with some nicely orchestrated snoring. I checked the time and hoped for an arrival no later than 10:00 in the morning. After fifteen more mystifying minutes, the train started rolling much to my relief.
There wasn’t any sleep hinting to rise by me. For the hundredth time, I squinted on my watch which adamantly went at its own pace. My eyes took a ride around as much as they could see. Mr. Dhoti’s birth was left alone to a blanket. I immediately checked on his luggage. Gone. He couldn’t have left, was here last station. I climbed down to stretch my legs and made way as I saw Mr.Dhoti walk by. He walked erratically, holding the edges of the seats and concentrating on his feet. I waited to ask him if he had moved his baggage but he climbed upto his birth and diligently slid inside the blanket, never attempting to throw a glance anywhere else. I peeped down the lower seat again and there was no loosely knotted bag of his.
Some noise aimed my way took me out of the thoughts about Mr Dhoti’s baggage. It was the ticket collector. Why is he wandering about at 2:00? “Do you have a problem?”, he frowned at me.
“uhh, no, no, I am fine.”, I insisted though whatever happening that night in the train seemed of questionable diligence.
“Why is the train stopped here?” I threw back one at him.
The TTR lifted his gaze from the papers and went “We have some problem. I don’t want anybody outside the seats till morning.”
The calmness with which he spoke left me at a loss for words. But I just went up one step anyways “Why, what’s wrong?”
Though his appearance presented friendliness and his tone floated within what anybody would call calm, the force with which he had thrown his second glance convinced me it was time to go.
I turned to the seat when he came close and said ”We have a report of some smugglers sneaking in. That shouldn’t worry you. Everything is in control”.
Everything is in control? You are telling me there is a gang of muggers in the train and you are telling me not to worry!! I was about to pass out. I pulled my trembling knees together and hid myself under, well under what, that thin translucent blanket.
The ticket collector stood there, as if to make sure I didn’t pass the news. I didn’t feel up to any conversation. In fact, I didn’t feel up to anything. The train was on the move again.After what seemed like an era, five minutes crept out and this thought suddenly yanked me out of seat again. Mr. Dhoti’s bag!
“Ssshh, Hello”, my voice was feeble with fear but I couldn’t get away with the news just like that.
With great effort I pulled myself down again and tapped on the feet of Mr. Dhoti. He didn’t seem asleep and responded promptly to my call.
“Yes?”
“Uhh, just that, umm, did you move your luggage? It’s not there under the seat. Just wanted to let you know.”
“It’s there”.
“Uh. No, it’s not. Actually, I..”
“It’s there. I mean the bag”, he cut me across “but what was inside has gone. Somebody stole it or it has gone on its own will.”
“What? Gone on its own will?” Was he nuts!? I am telling him his bag has gone missing and he is responding as though it would return from an errand at the toilet.
“Well, you could report it to the ticket collector. Actually you know”, I couldn’t resist the urge. "there are some burglars in the train. You just need to be careful.”
Mr. Dhoti decided to stay with silence. For a moment I grew suspicious of his looks. Could he be the real burglar? If so, would he harm me because I knew? He would. As if the night wasn’t enough with surprises, his looks gave me the chill, the freezing, numbing chill from my throat to spine. My tongue did some favor momentarily.
“Ok, just thought of telling you. Things are in control.” And I let out a silly grin as though to convince him.
He looked at me for one more time and buried his face in the pillow. His looks carried some reproach which threw me back to the seat and I finished some water left in my bottle in one swallow.
In desperation of needing some sound, I almost cried when I heard a boy’s voice from outside chanting ”chai, coffee, chai..” It’s morning!!!! A part of me screamed. I wanted to break open the window glass and throw my head for some air but more than anything, I wanted to use the toilet. For the fear of so many things my imagination warned of, however, I still clung to the seat. My watch showed 4:50. There was an aged couple from the other box collecting their toothbrushes. Nobody from my compartment seemed to care for a tea. With fear clutching my throat, I checked on Mr. Dhoti. He wasn’t there, nor his blanket, nor his pillow. He had left. That was a relief. How many more minutes for the day to break?
The world seemed normal a few minutes later and everyone was up and talking and laughing in the slowly piercing daylight. May be it was a dream. I am just a silly girl. I treated myself to a cup of garmagaram coffee and looked over the top birth. Even if Mr. Dhoti was a smuggler, he is gone anyways and I should soon be out of this. The mom complained how little sleep she had and for the first time, she seemed more funny than annoying when I thought about the non-stop snore which was the only sound that rang around my ears the whole night.
She smiled at me and went on to her kid, “Get up Ammu, we are getting down in the next station. Pack your things. See, you left the bag open after taking your snacks. She zipped it up; sat next to me and hopped onto a conversation. “Are you getting down at Raichur?”
“Is there a problem? We are here for more than what it normally takes” I told Mr. Dad who seemed the only other soul in my compartment, awake. He shrugged and returned to his magazine. Mr Dhoti took the upper birth. The kids were buried in blankets. Their mom amused herself with some nicely orchestrated snoring. I checked the time and hoped for an arrival no later than 10:00 in the morning. After fifteen more mystifying minutes, the train started rolling much to my relief.
There wasn’t any sleep hinting to rise by me. For the hundredth time, I squinted on my watch which adamantly went at its own pace. My eyes took a ride around as much as they could see. Mr. Dhoti’s birth was left alone to a blanket. I immediately checked on his luggage. Gone. He couldn’t have left, was here last station. I climbed down to stretch my legs and made way as I saw Mr.Dhoti walk by. He walked erratically, holding the edges of the seats and concentrating on his feet. I waited to ask him if he had moved his baggage but he climbed upto his birth and diligently slid inside the blanket, never attempting to throw a glance anywhere else. I peeped down the lower seat again and there was no loosely knotted bag of his.
Some noise aimed my way took me out of the thoughts about Mr Dhoti’s baggage. It was the ticket collector. Why is he wandering about at 2:00? “Do you have a problem?”, he frowned at me.
“uhh, no, no, I am fine.”, I insisted though whatever happening that night in the train seemed of questionable diligence.
“Why is the train stopped here?” I threw back one at him.
The TTR lifted his gaze from the papers and went “We have some problem. I don’t want anybody outside the seats till morning.”
The calmness with which he spoke left me at a loss for words. But I just went up one step anyways “Why, what’s wrong?”
Though his appearance presented friendliness and his tone floated within what anybody would call calm, the force with which he had thrown his second glance convinced me it was time to go.
I turned to the seat when he came close and said ”We have a report of some smugglers sneaking in. That shouldn’t worry you. Everything is in control”.
Everything is in control? You are telling me there is a gang of muggers in the train and you are telling me not to worry!! I was about to pass out. I pulled my trembling knees together and hid myself under, well under what, that thin translucent blanket.
The ticket collector stood there, as if to make sure I didn’t pass the news. I didn’t feel up to any conversation. In fact, I didn’t feel up to anything. The train was on the move again.After what seemed like an era, five minutes crept out and this thought suddenly yanked me out of seat again. Mr. Dhoti’s bag!
“Ssshh, Hello”, my voice was feeble with fear but I couldn’t get away with the news just like that.
With great effort I pulled myself down again and tapped on the feet of Mr. Dhoti. He didn’t seem asleep and responded promptly to my call.
“Yes?”
“Uhh, just that, umm, did you move your luggage? It’s not there under the seat. Just wanted to let you know.”
“It’s there”.
“Uh. No, it’s not. Actually, I..”
“It’s there. I mean the bag”, he cut me across “but what was inside has gone. Somebody stole it or it has gone on its own will.”
“What? Gone on its own will?” Was he nuts!? I am telling him his bag has gone missing and he is responding as though it would return from an errand at the toilet.
“Well, you could report it to the ticket collector. Actually you know”, I couldn’t resist the urge. "there are some burglars in the train. You just need to be careful.”
Mr. Dhoti decided to stay with silence. For a moment I grew suspicious of his looks. Could he be the real burglar? If so, would he harm me because I knew? He would. As if the night wasn’t enough with surprises, his looks gave me the chill, the freezing, numbing chill from my throat to spine. My tongue did some favor momentarily.
“Ok, just thought of telling you. Things are in control.” And I let out a silly grin as though to convince him.
He looked at me for one more time and buried his face in the pillow. His looks carried some reproach which threw me back to the seat and I finished some water left in my bottle in one swallow.
In desperation of needing some sound, I almost cried when I heard a boy’s voice from outside chanting ”chai, coffee, chai..” It’s morning!!!! A part of me screamed. I wanted to break open the window glass and throw my head for some air but more than anything, I wanted to use the toilet. For the fear of so many things my imagination warned of, however, I still clung to the seat. My watch showed 4:50. There was an aged couple from the other box collecting their toothbrushes. Nobody from my compartment seemed to care for a tea. With fear clutching my throat, I checked on Mr. Dhoti. He wasn’t there, nor his blanket, nor his pillow. He had left. That was a relief. How many more minutes for the day to break?
The world seemed normal a few minutes later and everyone was up and talking and laughing in the slowly piercing daylight. May be it was a dream. I am just a silly girl. I treated myself to a cup of garmagaram coffee and looked over the top birth. Even if Mr. Dhoti was a smuggler, he is gone anyways and I should soon be out of this. The mom complained how little sleep she had and for the first time, she seemed more funny than annoying when I thought about the non-stop snore which was the only sound that rang around my ears the whole night.
She smiled at me and went on to her kid, “Get up Ammu, we are getting down in the next station. Pack your things. See, you left the bag open after taking your snacks. She zipped it up; sat next to me and hopped onto a conversation. “Are you getting down at Raichur?”
“No, Chikmagalur”, I smiled
She kept talking for the next ten minutes. As her destination was declared arrived, they left amidst what I felt like a thunder of noise. Most of the passengers from that compartment got down at that station.
There weren’t more than a handful of people in the whole boggie. An hour to go. I was almost drowning in the summer tales of Calvin when he takes Hobbes for a fishing afternoon.
“Good Morning.” The ticket collector planted himself in the seat. He was gifted with a smile that no one could leave unattended.
“Good Morning. So everything fine now?”
“We cannot say anything yet. But considering we had a smooth night, things shouldn’t bother anymore.”, he sounded positive.
After my watch promised fifteen more minutes to arrival, I said, ”whatever.I am gone in fifteen minutes.”
He returned a smile and got up to leave.
Some things in life bring great depth of joy even if you don’t get anything out of it. It was such a moment when the train slowed down to stop at Chikmagalur. I picked my bag and as I was about to hop, the ticket collector wished me a great stay.
“Thanks”, the spirits were up and alive again and that prompted me to ask “hey you never told me what the smugglers were doing here?”
With a tone that lacked expression, he went on looking straight in my eyes, “Ohh, it was those jungle rogues again. They sneaked in a dangerous cobra. Of course, cobras go for a million bucks in the hidden markets.” And then he sighed. “Those assholes. They will pay for it one day.”
I thought I didn’t hear it right and then I thought it meant something else. My knees pushed me to just flee but my brain automatically threw words at him “you mean, a cobra?? A snake?”
He nodded mildly and continued “Yea, it’s really huge.You would have seen it only on Discovery”. Garnished it with a smile.
He didn’t have to say anything more. My heart had stopped functioning or it functioned beyond a healthy rate that it was hard to feel. Like a tray of well served wine, it all ran thru’ my eyes - The man, his bag, his empty bag, , the mom’s bag that lay open all night, she had zipped it up and taken it home and stronger than all of this, his words, “it would have gone on its own..."
I thought I would faint. Everything around me felt like creeping. More than anything else the double shouldered bag that weighed down my back seemed to vigorously crawl thru’ my spine.
I dropped the bag and picked some life to move forward. I could. Great. I could move. I didn’t dare stop. Every human being in the railway station that day appeared like crawling, creeping, poisonous creatures we called snakes. I ran out of the station to find a friend waiting for me.
“You are late.” He said, looking behind my back to see if there was someone else.”Where are your bags?”
“Let’s go.” I said.
We boarded his car and he started on one these silly pranks they played last night. I didn’t hear anything more. Well, there was one thing that kept ringing loud enough to deafen the world,
“it could have gone on its own...”.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
100, finally…
My Blog: At last, you hit 100. Other bloggers have hit a triple century, started supplementary blogs and even ..
Me: Hold on, at least I did. Time to toast!
Blog: You know we should be doing it more often.
Me: Toasting ?
Blog: Yea, like for instance, when you change your blog templates! It happens way more frequently than the number of posts you do.
Me: Shut up; anyways, tell me, which is the best post of mine so far?
Blog: Tough to choose, since there aren’t really great ones. But I really liked your last post; the one on what you thought.
Me: Really? I thought that was cool, too. A little philosophical, here and there.
Blog: Hold on. Most of your posts are quite dreary anyways. When I talk about posts, I generally mean the pictures; the one you had on the last post, that’s the best picture of yours you have ever published. Very thoughtful!
Me: How mean !
Blog: I mean what I mean. I have the right to say what I feel; am a blog after all.
Me: Aaargh! That's enough. We all did evolve from monkeys.
Blog: You did.
Me: Anyways, tell me what’s the best part about being my blog?
Blog: The best part about being your blog is that I don’t get disturbed by posts too often. You peacefully let me hibernate most of the year.By the ways, haven’t you finished the book yet? The one you have joyfully put under ‘UNDER THE READING GLASSES’.
Me: oh, I did. 10 pages and the book went back. Not my kind.
Blog: Now that you have hit 100, let me ask you. What has been the best part about blogging?
Me: hmm, actually, when I started to blog..
Blog: Yawn. Forget it, I don’t want to know anyways. Will you post this chitchat too ?
Me: Good idea. But now that you have mocked me enough and more, I am leaving here.
Blog: Wow! You are quitting blogging?
Me: Keep dreaming, I said I am quitting this natter.
Blog. Good for me. Would you care to listen to just one thing I’ve got..
Me: What? That you would be better off being someone else’s blog? Well in that case, ..
Blog: No, that’s not it.
Me: What’s it?
Blog: Congratulations on hitting 100 !
Me: Than…
Blog: Now, just go.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I thought..
If Life is the biggest school I am enrolled with, I am obliged to do and redo the greatest piece of homework, every night. Things I learnt transform into new things altogether after I believe I have caught them neatly printed in my learning book.
For instance,
I thought life was a risky gamble. You play it safe; you win. But it turns out that the best way to live life is by experimenting with it.
I thought movie titles were a prelude to the movie. If movies were to be judged by their names, I would never have chosen to watch Monsters Inc.
I thought days in July seemed longer because of psychological reasons. Some kid’s book told me it’s because the earth is closest to the sun during the month.
I thought Punjabi food was the most overrated Indian cuisine, with the annoyingly extensive usage of ghee in chicken. I was bowled over when I saw plain strips of ham baked in honey, eaten lusciously as one of the best celebrated food in America.
I thought failure is what I feared the most until I was introduced to boredom.
I thought actor Arya did not deserve a hot seat in the Tamil films. I opted to change after Sarvam.
I thought if you didn’t have a Barbie doll in your childhood, it was a shame. The recent adulterated styles of Barbie furnished an aversion in me.
I thought to be cool, clothes made a great part. Now, clothes are great but to be real cool, try brains.
I thought Pink was a girl’s color. I refuse to change ; so those film makers who get their heroes wear pink suits, please, for the sake of basic way of life, be aware, pink IS STILL A GIRL’S COLOR!!
I thought Autumn was something to be experienced in the western countries. You should take a drive on the Coimbatore-Palakkad highway during August-September.
I thought time played a good chance to chill between farm duties. But it proved to be a rear-view mirror. Objects are closer than they appear.
I thought it was better to have a job that paid than to be friends with nothing. I say, it’s much better to make something out of nothing than a job that pays but sucks.
I thought fashion magazines were a cool heap of pictures to lose yourself into. Well, that was long ago. If you ask me now, there’s nothing worse to waste your time and money on than fashion magazines.
I thought I would never look for those old cassettes I used to love when I was a kid. When we stripped our house of the clutter, I fondly dusted them and put them back though I no longer owned a cassette player.
I thought the queen of England was an evil witch until I lately stumbled over some great writing about her life.
I thought Mathematics was a simple art of numbers which required only a basic knowledge of multiplication tables. I scored a 16 on 100 in class 9. I have hated Mathematics ever since.
I thought the Internet was the best medium to touch base with the world. A kid-neighbor took me by arm for a run on the grass and asked me, “ do you know the best thing to do ?” My silence replied for him and he went “to take your shoes off and run on the grass”. That meant something.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Sweeter than chocolate, softer than butter..
We sat in that rusty pie shop,the first time we shared an evening. The one on the 4th cross street, just two blocks away from where I lived. I have always been here, ever since I got to know pies and cakes. He was shy and that was nice. It was a first time, for me with a boy and for him in that pie shop. I waited for him to choose his favorite. “What do you like”, he asked me.“ Umm, I have already placed my order and you?”
“An apple pie, with some melted yellow cheese and a coffee”, he winked at me and smiled at the waitress.
That made me smirk, rather sheepishly but I pretended to be such a cool person.
He had been my neighbor for four years and sure he would know what nuts I was made of or he didn’t care. But I knew his; bike lover, jogger, weekend smoker, shoe lover, sexy stubbles, black hair, clean nails, cute smile, well, pretty much of my kind, except for the smoking part.
I liked him and every one in my life knew that. Why didn’t I tell him? Because he had someone else in his life. Why am I here today then? Because we both were at the pie shop, in two different tables, alone and didn’t know what to do when our eyes and smiles exchanged greetings.
The table looked so clean and round that it was like a painted canvas when it was filled with our pies and coffee. My Coconut cream cake did to me what water does to lungs after an exhaustive jog. I wanted something bar my slobber to stroke my throat. It’s ok, I felt better and asked
“How come you alone here?”
“Why not?”, he replied with his pie and a smile and yet managed to keep his mouth half closed.
“What happened to you girlfriend?”
“What?” Alright. Those days, it wasn’t so easy or cool to be talking about love affairs, you see.
I munched on my pie and went, “your girlfriend, I have seen you here with her”.
He waited for the pie to be patiently swallowed and said “We are not together now” and gently smiled.
It was like how you felt when a plane you are in, takes off. Suddenly, the coconut cream pie and the raspberry sauce on top of it was the most exotic thing to eat in the whole world.
“Hmm, it’s wonderful, you should try it sometime”. The cheese neatly dripped and fell in place on top of his apple pie. Ohh yea, it must be. “The coffee goes well with it”, he said, sipping.
Nodding was the only thing I found sensible to do.
“I may be moving out of this town soon, will miss all these”. Smile intact, voice cool, he said that to put out a moment of joy that was gushing inside my veins. Yea, best things in life are free and come in small packages.
Fifteen minutes and a few heavy heart beats later, I decided I should leave. There was no point sitting with a guy who seemed to have his life all sorted out. I knew he didn’t feel the way I did for him.
I paid though he insisted that I let him.
I picked my bag, smiled at him and got up “Listen, there’s something I want to tell you. I have always liked you. I have known you for some time. And I think you are..” I didn’t have a word to complete it but went on “Anyways, I think it doesn’t make any sense now. If you ever think you like me, just give a call. I smiled like I would to a friend. “Bye and have a good life”, and walked off.
He called me from where he was.
“Hmmm ?” I didn’t know how he felt but I was pretty cool to just move on.
“I don’t have your number”
“Why do you need?”
“To tell you I like you”. He still sat there with a paper napkin in his hand. The only other thing I
could see in the entire world was nothing. Taking one sip of coffee as if to feed some reality, he smiled, yet again.
The usual chaos went on in the café’ with laughter and the clatter of coffee mugs, my heart tickled and that moment seemed just bloody perfect.
A year later.
The waitress passed on a warm smile saying, ”Apple pie with melted yellow cheese and two coffees?”
And we replied in unison “Yes, Please”.
Monday, March 9, 2009
One is not born a woman, one becomes one.
--Simone de Beauvoir:
A popular foward, I customised in my own thoughts and then words.
A popular foward, I customised in my own thoughts and then words.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Read a few great books which changed her thinking, taught her how the earth moved and kept her company during lonely times
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
A handful of friends outside her family, whom she can trust any day
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Travelled alone
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Had a career for herself at least once in her life
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Presentable nails and hair
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Clothing that she finds herself beautiful in
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Dreams about her future and some guts to make them happen
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
One pair of jewel that her grandchildren will be proud to call their grandmom’s
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Her own collection of music, books, recipes that she is willing to share
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Fallen in love
*****
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
How a bank account works
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
At least one perfect dessert to make on any occasion
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
To shake hands gently & firmly with a man
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
To smile at a kid even in times of distress
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
To trust herself beyond anybody else
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
Her parents’ birthdays & anniversaries
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
At least one story to tell the kids the way they like it
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
God. Believing or disbelieving him is a different question altogether.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Sometimes when the day is dark...
...the only way to light up the spirit is by hugging the memories and smiling over’em.
Moments of my life I lost my heart to..
Moments of my life I lost my heart to..
*A month off in Chennai during final year, all in the name of project
*Icecream in Corner House,Bangalore
*Those rides in college bus.
*Those rides in college bus.
*
Late night phone calls that used to sometimes last till dawn.
Late night phone calls that used to sometimes last till dawn. *Staying over with friends, watching movies, playing and talking all night.
*Gulab Jamuns,especiailly the ones made on the eve of Diwali.
*First movie, bunking class
*Rides on Scooty
*Gulab Jamuns,especiailly the ones made on the eve of Diwali.
*First movie, bunking class
*Rides on Scooty
*Group studies right the day before semester
*Morning walks in Indra Nagar,Bangalore
*Morning walks in Indra Nagar,Bangalore
*Chilli Gobi at Nandinee 
*Alaipayuthe, the movie
*First days on Orkut
*Chilling out over bajji with Smith,Meerkut n Pinks
*Afternoon drives with Smith & Meerkut
*First days on Orkut
*Chilling out over bajji with Smith,Meerkut n Pinks
*Afternoon drives with Smith & Meerkut
*Vacation after 12th standard school
*Life with BUGFRENTS
*Idlis with ghee from MTR,Bangalore
*Drives in Bangalore
*Westlife
*Drives in Bangalore
*Westlife
*Bushra's friendship
*Backstreet Boys
*
The warm aroma of Cookies from Forum,Bangalore
*Movies at Forum
*View of New York in the night from plane
*Mountain Dew from College canteen
*Vaseegara song from Minnale
The warm aroma of Cookies from Forum,Bangalore*Movies at Forum
*View of New York in the night from plane
*Mountain Dew from College canteen
*Vaseegara song from Minnale
*Denzel Washington in Crimson Tide,Siege
*Munnar
*Orange Souffle
*Munnar
*Orange Souffle
*Undomestic Goddess, The book
*Evenings with music in a crowded park
*Princess Diana
*Evenings in Beasant Nagar Beach
*Dove chocolate
*Princess Diana
*Evenings in Beasant Nagar Beach
*Dove chocolate
*Holi at Pune
*Jacqueline Wilson, the author
*Jacqueline Wilson, the author
*Walks thru' MG Road,Pune
*Early morning bus rides through the suburbs of Nagercoil
*Barbie Vanilla Cake flavored perfume
*Madhuri Dixit
*Cricket World Cup, 1996
*Early morning bus rides through the suburbs of Nagercoil
*Barbie Vanilla Cake flavored perfume
*Madhuri Dixit
*Cricket World Cup, 1996
*Sunsets in Beach on December 31st
*Everybody Loves Raymond, TV Series
*Everybody Loves Raymond, TV Series
*Evenings spent at Jaffrin's house
*10th std trip to Kodaikanal
*Chilli Beef
*Kenny Rogers
*The Beatles
*Friday evening drives to Nagercoil
*College,College,College & College, every minute of it.
*Chilli Beef
*Kenny Rogers
*The Beatles
*Friday evening drives to Nagercoil
*College,College,College & College, every minute of it.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Ulle...Veliye
King, Queen,Ace,Jack,Queen,King,Jack,Ace,Joker; it looked like a realm of rich but grim royals. “Ulle…veliye…ulle…veliye…ulle…veliye…” vellamani’s voice cut straight to the attention of the puny crowd that surrounded the deck of cards that were neatly laid on the ground.
Nithu(Nithesh, my 12 year old neighbor)squatted among other adolescents around the cards. Pretending to nudge Nithu on his back, I hopped to take a keener look on the cards. NIthu didn’t turn.
I pinched him.”Mcchh….what?”
“Nithu…what are you doing here?”
Nithu didn’t reply.
“Aaaaaahhhh, King kedachuchu paathyaa….podu…ulle…veliye…ulle…veliye…ulle…veliye”, Vellamani took the game on.
“Mcchh…Nithu”
No reaction.
“NITHU”
Vellamani looked at me indignantly but couldn’t release his anger as his lips continued to chant ulle…veliye.
Do I know this guy? Yes, he’s the sweeper turned watchman and now runs errands for almost every one in this apartment complex. He has become a household possession and that gave me the liberty to respond to him on the same tone he carried on his face.
“Vellamani….ennathu ithu…chinna pasangle vechu cheettadittu irukke, athuvum kaasu vechu”.
“Akka, ithu super-a irukku, neeyum vaayen, it’s fun”, Nithu answered for Vellamani.
“Iru…un amma kitte solren. Vellamani, unne thedi Shobana vantrukka”. I knew this would silence the game. Vellamani turned with an appalled look. He would have punched me on my nose, in his imagination. Who cares, I stopped his damn ulle…veliye.
Shobana was not there actually but her name usually threatened Vellamani. So I used it profusely whenever the situation with him needed it. Shobana, his half sister and a hazard to his mind’s peace. They always fought over everything and Vellamani complained she took away everything he had.
“enge irukka”, a sigh, a frown, a moment of closed eyes in silence precedented this.
“Ange, front gate pakkathule”.
He stood up and left without saying anything to the kids.
“Ethukkuda kaasu vechu veleyadreenga. It’s wrong”, I said authoritatively to the dissapointed crowd. They looked somewhere else, ignoring in all respect what I just said.
Three hundred rupee notes, four fifty rupee notes and one twenty rupee note.
“ivlo kaasu yaarodathu?” I didn’t expect an answer. So I picked the money, counting.
“Five Twenty rupees !!!! ” I looked around hoping no one would answer so I didn’t have anybody claiming the money. Yippe, a piece of me said.
“Cut it !! Yaaruppa anthe ponnu…Intha character script le illeye, Vellamani enge?” ,that wasn’t from void. There was a man, about twenty feet away, in goggles. I looked at him, there were few more, behind him, beside him, everywhere and there was a camera. And it was running. The cameraman did not move.
I didn’t actually but believed I understood. I was sitting there, squatting actually,with cards laid out, some cash in hand and surrounded by a mob of brood who pretended to be naïve, all captured neatly in a running camera.
“Vellamani poyittan,Sir.Namma itheye eduthukkalam. Different a irukku Sir, Teenage ponnunge pocket money kaaga, Mangaatha velayadrange.Different ana concept, sir.”
The man in goggles observed me, only his goggles didn’t fit in his ears.They were half dangling on his nose. I had watched enough television to understand he was the director of whatever crap they were shooting.
“Hmm…ok”, he said,”inthamma…apdiye ukkanthutu…konjam..dialogue-e sollu”
“Dialogue-a!?,Excuse me, I am not acting” verum kaathu thaann vanthuthu
He smiled as if he sympathised and turned to another man who stood beside,”yen pa, intha ponnu dialogue enna?”
“Ulle…veliye…ulle…veliye…sollu ma” he shouted from there.
I think Nithu understood what I felt like.
“Akka, come on, dialogue e sollu” , he nudged me
Veliye….Flash, some yellow light beat hard on my face.
Ulle, I felt queasy, or at least that’s what I remember.
A few days later on TV
“Pocket Money sambaathippatharkaage indraye teenage pengal seivathu ennenne, paarungal intha vaaram, ULLE VELIYE! , oru dhidukkidum report”
Nithu’s mom never let him talk to me again. None of the kids were allowed to, from that day.
These reality shows, I am telling you.
Nithu(Nithesh, my 12 year old neighbor)squatted among other adolescents around the cards. Pretending to nudge Nithu on his back, I hopped to take a keener look on the cards. NIthu didn’t turn.
I pinched him.”Mcchh….what?”
“Nithu…what are you doing here?”
Nithu didn’t reply.
“Aaaaaahhhh, King kedachuchu paathyaa….podu…ulle…veliye…ulle…veliye…ulle…veliye”, Vellamani took the game on.
“Mcchh…Nithu”
No reaction.
“NITHU”
Vellamani looked at me indignantly but couldn’t release his anger as his lips continued to chant ulle…veliye.
Do I know this guy? Yes, he’s the sweeper turned watchman and now runs errands for almost every one in this apartment complex. He has become a household possession and that gave me the liberty to respond to him on the same tone he carried on his face.
“Vellamani….ennathu ithu…chinna pasangle vechu cheettadittu irukke, athuvum kaasu vechu”.
“Akka, ithu super-a irukku, neeyum vaayen, it’s fun”, Nithu answered for Vellamani.
“Iru…un amma kitte solren. Vellamani, unne thedi Shobana vantrukka”. I knew this would silence the game. Vellamani turned with an appalled look. He would have punched me on my nose, in his imagination. Who cares, I stopped his damn ulle…veliye.
Shobana was not there actually but her name usually threatened Vellamani. So I used it profusely whenever the situation with him needed it. Shobana, his half sister and a hazard to his mind’s peace. They always fought over everything and Vellamani complained she took away everything he had.
“enge irukka”, a sigh, a frown, a moment of closed eyes in silence precedented this.
“Ange, front gate pakkathule”.
He stood up and left without saying anything to the kids.
“Ethukkuda kaasu vechu veleyadreenga. It’s wrong”, I said authoritatively to the dissapointed crowd. They looked somewhere else, ignoring in all respect what I just said.
Three hundred rupee notes, four fifty rupee notes and one twenty rupee note.
“ivlo kaasu yaarodathu?” I didn’t expect an answer. So I picked the money, counting.
“Five Twenty rupees !!!! ” I looked around hoping no one would answer so I didn’t have anybody claiming the money. Yippe, a piece of me said.
“Cut it !! Yaaruppa anthe ponnu…Intha character script le illeye, Vellamani enge?” ,that wasn’t from void. There was a man, about twenty feet away, in goggles. I looked at him, there were few more, behind him, beside him, everywhere and there was a camera. And it was running. The cameraman did not move.
I didn’t actually but believed I understood. I was sitting there, squatting actually,with cards laid out, some cash in hand and surrounded by a mob of brood who pretended to be naïve, all captured neatly in a running camera.
“Vellamani poyittan,Sir.Namma itheye eduthukkalam. Different a irukku Sir, Teenage ponnunge pocket money kaaga, Mangaatha velayadrange.Different ana concept, sir.”
The man in goggles observed me, only his goggles didn’t fit in his ears.They were half dangling on his nose. I had watched enough television to understand he was the director of whatever crap they were shooting.
“Hmm…ok”, he said,”inthamma…apdiye ukkanthutu…konjam..dialogue-e sollu”
“Dialogue-a!?,Excuse me, I am not acting” verum kaathu thaann vanthuthu
He smiled as if he sympathised and turned to another man who stood beside,”yen pa, intha ponnu dialogue enna?”
“Ulle…veliye…ulle…veliye…sollu ma” he shouted from there.
I think Nithu understood what I felt like.
“Akka, come on, dialogue e sollu” , he nudged me
Veliye….Flash, some yellow light beat hard on my face.
Ulle, I felt queasy, or at least that’s what I remember.
A few days later on TV
“Pocket Money sambaathippatharkaage indraye teenage pengal seivathu ennenne, paarungal intha vaaram, ULLE VELIYE! , oru dhidukkidum report”
Nithu’s mom never let him talk to me again. None of the kids were allowed to, from that day.
These reality shows, I am telling you.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
My first few friends of the year..
I always remember the first book I read every year. Last year it was Five point Someone and though I wouldn’t term it a superlative experience, I am grateful for the smile it had on me between pages. I am not an avid reader but out of about not less than twenty books I pick every year, I finish only about three to four at the end of it. The rest don’t last beyond twenty pages. I have this conviction that if the first twenty pages of the book are no good, the rest aren’t worth a try and there ends my search with a sigh ! But my journey continues and I become a kid again when I run thru’ the aisles in a book shop or in a library getting fantasized by those hundreds of thousands of stories sitting around me, the colors and the pictures on them, the feel of running my hand on the sleekly arrayed shelves, the smell of good old wood logs that just got pulped into fresh papers! Ohh my, a book store is just the place to get lost !I picked these three to start my year with, well, I still get attracted first by the cover of books. Managed to reach 29 pages of Garden Spells and slowly as the story unfolds, it seems like there is this usual damsel protagonist who has a handsome neighbor. So..not again, please, but the reviews say otherwise. It has really got some fantastic reviews. So I am gonna stick to it at least for another thirty pages, hoping it’s not a chick lit. BOOMTOWN Chang’s Fireworks Factory is twenty pages down. This is for the kid in every one. It’s about this fantastic fictional town called Boomtown where everything is just so exciting. Haven’t gone beyond a page of Hog Wild but I like to trust the reviews. As of now, back to the thirtieth page of Garden Spells.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
A letter, a wish and some memories
Dear 2008,
It’s sad that I haven’t even found good number of chances to mark your name down on papers and you are already leaving. It just seems to me that you arrived only a couple of months back. That's life I guess, Well, Ohh, by the ways, Hi dear blog ! I guess you, by now, may be quite used to the sluggish, erratic frequency of my writing art. Anyways, the letter is intended to kiss good bye to the year and let me get to that straight.
It’s sad that I haven’t even found good number of chances to mark your name down on papers and you are already leaving. It just seems to me that you arrived only a couple of months back. That's life I guess, Well, Ohh, by the ways, Hi dear blog ! I guess you, by now, may be quite used to the sluggish, erratic frequency of my writing art. Anyways, the letter is intended to kiss good bye to the year and let me get to that straight.
You had been kind in general, except for definitely, the bomb blasts that shook the cities throughout the year. Can I tell you that our faith, particularly in our national security is getting depleted blast after blast, year after year. You have played host to so many such terrible incidents and you will be remembered in sadness for that. Not a good thing, you know. God, if you are listening, please buy yourself a good quality gun and shoot those morons flat without having to think about if it is right for god to be using guns and everything. I hear a pen gun is what the terrorists may use. I don’t really know the details of it but please go for it, it’s okay. This world needs some clean-up and all we end up doing most of the time is cleaning our own clothes and bodies when there is heavy loads of trash laid out there all around.
Keeping aside that, the world is slowly waking to the horrendous effects of the killer, Global Warming. Thanks to scientist and analysts who finally shed the truth to the world. Can you believe how much damage we have caused already? But leaving the causes in the past, I hope everyone understands how much important it is to do our part to save the world, things as little as turning off unneeded lights and electronic stuff. May the years that come see more earth-friendly humans and less of robots.
Well, I guess personally, dear 2008, you had been really sweet to me. First of all, I was not working but still earning for the entire first 6 months. I still consider this the best part that has happened to me in my career. Second of all, you gave me a chance to do what I wanted to do from the core of my heart but did not dare, well, dare enough may be. But finally, one day, hands rigid on table, eyes straight on my boss, I told him, ‘ I quit’. You have no idea how blessed I felt right after doing it. You have pocketed in me, some plenty of time to do things I always wanted to but never found the time for; It’s like saying Hello to myself all over again. This period of my life is the best holiday I have ever had. Thank you very much.
Well, I guess personally, dear 2008, you had been really sweet to me. First of all, I was not working but still earning for the entire first 6 months. I still consider this the best part that has happened to me in my career. Second of all, you gave me a chance to do what I wanted to do from the core of my heart but did not dare, well, dare enough may be. But finally, one day, hands rigid on table, eyes straight on my boss, I told him, ‘ I quit’. You have no idea how blessed I felt right after doing it. You have pocketed in me, some plenty of time to do things I always wanted to but never found the time for; It’s like saying Hello to myself all over again. This period of my life is the best holiday I have ever had. Thank you very much.
Thank you very much indeed for keeping my family, friends, neighbors and everybody else in my life safe and healthy all through the year. One of my friends says you don’t say Good-bye if you really wish to see the person again, instead you say ‘see you’. But I know I will never see you again after the midnight of Dec 31st. So, all I can do is give you a peck on the cheek and look up, with a prayer in my heart to keep the goodness flowing. God, I really really wish and hope you bless us with a peaceful and a safe year ahead. Happy 2009 !
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Will you be my Hero ?
Aren't black men scoring high over whites when it comes to their screen presence ? I was watching 'The Siege' and couldn't resist acknowledging the fact that nobody else could have done the character of Anthony Hub Hubbard other than Denzel Washington. Now my 1st statement could be called racist because I used the word 'black' to address someone. But how in the world would I rephrase it ? Speaking of it, Denzel is not really handsome if you visualize him to be one of those middling man walking against you in a crowd. Would you notice him ? So what's it that which makes him, well, look-able when he says 'Drawp the gun naaawhh' . His attitude? His dressing ? His style ? His Voice ? Or simply the power of his character ? Wht's it in a person that tickles the oomph-thing in the opposite sex? A friend of mine has turned away from so many good looking faces of wanna-be prince charms simply because she didn't feel the bang on the 1st go. That made me ask what would I look for in a guy ? I donno.....not much...my kinda guy...well is just simple with words, straight with thoughts and comfortable with the pace the world moves on !! The most handsome men I have met in my life are not completely great looking, they just got that style factor somewhere in the way they live. A man needs to have a sense of hygiene of course, of himself and his things, but hey, this is a human thing, irrespective of the gender. I think the 1st thing I would look for in anybody is the sense of cleanliness in his/her thoughts and words. Men in my eyes appear more handsome by words than their looks. I wouldn't care for his eye color or hair texture or complexion as long as the only jewel I find on him is the watch, the mobile too, yea. I am not going to be a staunch critic here but do men really think wearing neck chains and ear studs and colored hair and crappy lettered Tees will give a go with gals ? I think world has moved on from Bappi Lahri and Aerosmith.
The best way I have felt (I wouldn't use the word judge because I am a strong believer in the fact that being non judgmental is the nicest way to have friends) to understand a man's attitude is to talk to him when he's accompanied by a girl, his friend, his sis, his wife, whoever but that somehow exposes the best and the worst in him. He has got the best of brands layered on his body , alright, but if I find his hands scraping the girl for nothing more than a physical reason, I would just feel pity both for the girl for having him in her life and for the brands he's wearing coz they helplessly are sitting on the wrong person. A man should learn to keep his romance and religion private. If not, try movie and politics ! The two are always the dice to watch out for the style in men, all types, intellectual, articulate, stylish, romantic, brave, well dressed and very importantly and more in politics, Witty .
And yea, if you think making a sleazy mock of everyone around is the coolest way to be humorous, get lost.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Last night I dreamt of you,
like every other night. I know you will dismiss this with your indignant, ‘there you go again’. But hold on, I take my last attempt to collect all those illogical thoughts and put them on paper, for the last time so you could try and make out what it means to be in love and yet lonely. All these days, I was crazy about you and everything about you that I almost missed to realize that I could never ever be your love. I hoped only falsely that you would understand one day and things would be fine. You didn’t and I am not complaining. Perhaps, I should thank you for molding my belief in love. I probably didn’t know that it’s not love to just keep writing letters, like I always did and feel okay about you crushing them all. I wonder if there was no love, why did you have to read them after all. I love you so much that it now hurts badly to keep loving and keep getting ignored in return. I saw you in the café with your new found love, last evening. And trust me, it did not make me cry. For a moment, I felt alright seeing you smile with another man. I am not bitter, really. I know we would be 50, 60,70 someday and it’s nice to wish for all that we want to be. I don’t even know how life would be with out thinking about you or insanely trying to attempt another letter or a gift which I hoped would could change your mind .I hate that I am clueless, but I have had enough that I want to just leave you with your life and I don’t really care what ever comes of it, my life or yours and it seems like a damn good idea to move on. All the letters and flowers that you eventually chucked out, I am happy you did and there’s nothing that reminds me of you or how insane I was. I want to sleep the nights out, hugging the pillow, and go fishing with some wine and party with friends and play squash. I haven’t experienced it in years and oh man, I haven’t had a Life all these years. With this I am gladly burying all your memories and when I wake up, I want to go back to life and be ready to hope that one day I will have my girl, I am yet to meet. Any day, you don’t have to think about where the hell I would be in life for you know, I would be fine though you wouldn’t see me creeping on you with my letters, right now, and am going back to some sleep and wouldn’t really invite you to my dreams. So, just relax.
PS - I felt, melancholy takes better shapes in the hands of a male and I have written like a boy; hope this is set straight. :)
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
A Promise for Christmas - Valentine's Special
I rush into the hospital and find Gennie talking on the phone. She points at the doctor’s room gesturing Dam is in there and pulls my hand down to sit next to her. “He’s alright, Mrs. Parkinson. Please don’t let this worry you too much. He’ll give you a call once he’s out of the doctor’s room. Yes, sure, Take care”.
“Dam’s mom, she wants to come and it’s…”
“Hw’s he now ? ” I sharply cut her across
“Dam is doing ok. But they say he might need a surgery on his right elbow. The car hit him on his hand while he was trying to get out of the driver’s seat. “
I sigh out my aggravation and ask her if she has got enough money.
“I have paid for the x-rays and stuff but I think we’ll need a lot more”.
I quickly leave for the ATM. I offered Gennie a bottle of water when I got back. She took it gratefully.
“Anna, there’s something else I want to tell you”.
“What?”, I ask her, sipping the water bottle.
“Did you know that Dam is a cancer patient? ” She says that so casually that I can’t really make out if I heard her right.
“Wh…what ?”
“He is, Anna. And I found that out myself only today when he told the doctor. Dam is leaving New York, the next month. Says he wants to just move on ”
There is this sudden gush of tears bombing out of my eyes and I can feel my heart shrinking thinking about what I just heard. I can’t hold the bottle firmly and drop it eventually. My fingers are trembling. I can’t even blink. I am shocked to the degree that I feel like slapping Gennie for giving me this news.
“What the hell…” I don’t know what I am saying.
Gennie holds my hands and tries to appear composed. But I can see tears in her eyes too.
“Don’t worry, he will be ok.”
I bang my neck against the head rest of the chair and look up at the blank ceiling.
“No body knows, not even his mom”, Gennie continues but I wish I didn’t hear anything.
All these days, all the fun and silly things we had shared. I have only seen Dam in the brightest of smiles. Every moment of hell I gave him and Gennie about my relation with Kenny, I know I have hurt Dam so many times because I was hurt myself and I couldn’t take it when Dam or Gennie tried to console me. I was always snappy and cranky and insane whenever we talked about Kenny or my life. And Dam would tease me at the end of it all saying I finally gave Kenny a chance to live and I would sometimes slap him. All this and more when he knew he was having this dreadful disease ? He was always listening to me like I was the most important person ever and all I have given him back is my share of truck loads of problems and a little companionship.
I sigh and close my eyes. For a moment I don’t see anything, I don’t see life. Perhaps Dam didn’t tell me about his little secret because he knew I would ignore it just like I had ignored him, all these days, all my life.
I curse God for putting people through the worst of life, but quickly remember Dam telling me once that God never puts us in problems; we choose our own mistakes and God goes through the toughest time trying to pull us out of it.
Dam was leaving ? Where would he go ? He doesn’t have anyone save his mom. Is there anything I can do ?
I lay there for hours, thinking and not understanding. They are doing the surgery on Dam’s hands. Gennie fell asleep for an hour.
I wipe my cheeks and feel a numb coldness and tears.
I look around. It must be almost midnight. The clock showed 11:15. I can’t believe I was sitting there for 5 hours. I pull myself out of the chair. I suddenly think of Kenny and the easiness with which he broke the marriage. I think of Michelle. I think of Dam. I think of Gennie. I walk across the hall and hold the window sill, gazing out meaninglessly. I see a church and some people gathering up for the midnight service. They are hugging each other, kissing. I can’t see more because eyes are welling up and I look up at the skies, stand there until my knees were tired.
“Ms Gennie, Ms Anna”, that’s the call from the doctor.
I turn around with a jerk and see Gennie hurrying towards the doctor. I don’t hear what the doctor is saying. But he’s smiling at Gennie and she turns back to give me a Thumbs up. For once in so many hours, I take a deep relieved breath and wipe my tears out and slowly walk to the room.
Dam is awake, smiling as joyfully as ever. “Did I make your Christmas eve adventurous, ladies ? “ He chuckles.
I wait at his bedside and smile, touching his arm. “Hey Anna, what’s up honey. Did Gennie tell you I was dead ? “ Gennie was laughing.
“Are you leaving” I crawl up closer to his face. Dam’s smile fades, he looks up at me seriously.
“Where?” Dam manages to hold the smile.
“Are you leaving the city, Dam?”
He doesn’t respond. He looks at Gennie who looks apologetic.
“Dam I am asking you “ I sound angry
“Anna, see, some things are better left unsaid and you.. “
“I am so sorry Dam, I am so sorry I am letting you go. I am so sorry I didn’t know”. I cry and lean across his chest. I can slowly feel his hands on my hair.
“Anna, I just thought I will let you live”, he continues to chuckle.
“Yea, Thanks Dam, you can, it’s your life. But I’ve just got a small gift for you.”
“Wow, for Christmas ?”, he exclaims “ I just hope it’s not another crazy kitten that crunches into me all the time”
I suppress my laughter. I had gifted Dam a barmy kitten, last Christmas.
“No, it’s not, but it’s gonna be yet another crazy being that will torture you for a life time ” I smile
“Ohhh no”, Dam groans “I know ! A puppy this time, right ? ! Anna for GOD’s SAKE, I HATE PETS “
I continue to smile.
“What, where’s the damn thing” He is curious.
I move further close that I can now feel his breath and whisper into his confused face
“here” And I kiss him, gradually feeling his hug tightening and tears flowing. But there is no grief , I know. I look into his eyes. For the first time, I have seen tears in his eyes. He still looks flabbergasted. He hasn’t taken his arm off me.
Wiping away his tears, I hold his hands and say
“Merry Christmas, Dam”
He still can’t speak. And he struggles to shift his gaze to Gennie to get her word that this is not a dream.
Gennie is smiling in tears.
I turn back and go “Merry Christmas, Gennie”
Tears get faster on Gennie’s cheek. She comes closer, kneels down by the bedside
“Merry Christmas to both of you” She somehow manages amidst tears and smiles .
- Concludes.
“Dam’s mom, she wants to come and it’s…”
“Hw’s he now ? ” I sharply cut her across
“Dam is doing ok. But they say he might need a surgery on his right elbow. The car hit him on his hand while he was trying to get out of the driver’s seat. “
I sigh out my aggravation and ask her if she has got enough money.
“I have paid for the x-rays and stuff but I think we’ll need a lot more”.
I quickly leave for the ATM. I offered Gennie a bottle of water when I got back. She took it gratefully.
“Anna, there’s something else I want to tell you”.
“What?”, I ask her, sipping the water bottle.
“Did you know that Dam is a cancer patient? ” She says that so casually that I can’t really make out if I heard her right.
“Wh…what ?”
“He is, Anna. And I found that out myself only today when he told the doctor. Dam is leaving New York, the next month. Says he wants to just move on ”
There is this sudden gush of tears bombing out of my eyes and I can feel my heart shrinking thinking about what I just heard. I can’t hold the bottle firmly and drop it eventually. My fingers are trembling. I can’t even blink. I am shocked to the degree that I feel like slapping Gennie for giving me this news.
“What the hell…” I don’t know what I am saying.
Gennie holds my hands and tries to appear composed. But I can see tears in her eyes too.
“Don’t worry, he will be ok.”
I bang my neck against the head rest of the chair and look up at the blank ceiling.
“No body knows, not even his mom”, Gennie continues but I wish I didn’t hear anything.
All these days, all the fun and silly things we had shared. I have only seen Dam in the brightest of smiles. Every moment of hell I gave him and Gennie about my relation with Kenny, I know I have hurt Dam so many times because I was hurt myself and I couldn’t take it when Dam or Gennie tried to console me. I was always snappy and cranky and insane whenever we talked about Kenny or my life. And Dam would tease me at the end of it all saying I finally gave Kenny a chance to live and I would sometimes slap him. All this and more when he knew he was having this dreadful disease ? He was always listening to me like I was the most important person ever and all I have given him back is my share of truck loads of problems and a little companionship.
I sigh and close my eyes. For a moment I don’t see anything, I don’t see life. Perhaps Dam didn’t tell me about his little secret because he knew I would ignore it just like I had ignored him, all these days, all my life.
I curse God for putting people through the worst of life, but quickly remember Dam telling me once that God never puts us in problems; we choose our own mistakes and God goes through the toughest time trying to pull us out of it.
Dam was leaving ? Where would he go ? He doesn’t have anyone save his mom. Is there anything I can do ?
I lay there for hours, thinking and not understanding. They are doing the surgery on Dam’s hands. Gennie fell asleep for an hour.
I wipe my cheeks and feel a numb coldness and tears.
I look around. It must be almost midnight. The clock showed 11:15. I can’t believe I was sitting there for 5 hours. I pull myself out of the chair. I suddenly think of Kenny and the easiness with which he broke the marriage. I think of Michelle. I think of Dam. I think of Gennie. I walk across the hall and hold the window sill, gazing out meaninglessly. I see a church and some people gathering up for the midnight service. They are hugging each other, kissing. I can’t see more because eyes are welling up and I look up at the skies, stand there until my knees were tired.
“Ms Gennie, Ms Anna”, that’s the call from the doctor.
I turn around with a jerk and see Gennie hurrying towards the doctor. I don’t hear what the doctor is saying. But he’s smiling at Gennie and she turns back to give me a Thumbs up. For once in so many hours, I take a deep relieved breath and wipe my tears out and slowly walk to the room.
Dam is awake, smiling as joyfully as ever. “Did I make your Christmas eve adventurous, ladies ? “ He chuckles.
I wait at his bedside and smile, touching his arm. “Hey Anna, what’s up honey. Did Gennie tell you I was dead ? “ Gennie was laughing.
“Are you leaving” I crawl up closer to his face. Dam’s smile fades, he looks up at me seriously.
“Where?” Dam manages to hold the smile.
“Are you leaving the city, Dam?”
He doesn’t respond. He looks at Gennie who looks apologetic.
“Dam I am asking you “ I sound angry
“Anna, see, some things are better left unsaid and you.. “
“I am so sorry Dam, I am so sorry I am letting you go. I am so sorry I didn’t know”. I cry and lean across his chest. I can slowly feel his hands on my hair.
“Anna, I just thought I will let you live”, he continues to chuckle.
“Yea, Thanks Dam, you can, it’s your life. But I’ve just got a small gift for you.”
“Wow, for Christmas ?”, he exclaims “ I just hope it’s not another crazy kitten that crunches into me all the time”
I suppress my laughter. I had gifted Dam a barmy kitten, last Christmas.
“No, it’s not, but it’s gonna be yet another crazy being that will torture you for a life time ” I smile
“Ohhh no”, Dam groans “I know ! A puppy this time, right ? ! Anna for GOD’s SAKE, I HATE PETS “
I continue to smile.
“What, where’s the damn thing” He is curious.
I move further close that I can now feel his breath and whisper into his confused face
“here” And I kiss him, gradually feeling his hug tightening and tears flowing. But there is no grief , I know. I look into his eyes. For the first time, I have seen tears in his eyes. He still looks flabbergasted. He hasn’t taken his arm off me.
Wiping away his tears, I hold his hands and say
“Merry Christmas, Dam”
He still can’t speak. And he struggles to shift his gaze to Gennie to get her word that this is not a dream.
Gennie is smiling in tears.
I turn back and go “Merry Christmas, Gennie”
Tears get faster on Gennie’s cheek. She comes closer, kneels down by the bedside
“Merry Christmas to both of you” She somehow manages amidst tears and smiles .
- Concludes.
Monday, February 4, 2008
A Promise for Christmas - Part 2
I bite my lips, irritated. Why on earth does Gennie have to call me NOW and on some restaurant’s number.
“Thank you, I am coming” I mumble to the waiter;I can’t hide how irritating this could get.
I swiftly walk up to the reception, pick up the phone and answer
“Gennie?”
“Anna, oh my god, I finally got you”
“Why in the whole world did you have to reach me on this number?” I control my temper to make sure my voice does not get loud.
“Anna, I have something important to tell you”
“You couldn’t call me on my blackberry?”
“Your blackberry was switched off. Anna listen, Dam met with a car crash”
I flip my gaze from my blackberry, which I took out to check if it was switched off to the receptionist. I can’t make out what Gennie was talking about.
“What? Dam? When ? Gennie, what are you saying?”
“Yes, don’t worry he’s out of danger. Dam was giving me a drop back home. I got out of the car to buy something and I don’t know, the car was hit and Dam was bleeding. I took him to the hospital. They are looking at him. Anna, I want you here right now” Gennie sounds nervous yet strong.
“Fine, I am coming, which hospital?”
Gennie is a strong person, I know she can handle things pretty well. But I need to go. Oh my God, Dam, what the hell. Thoughts just whisking through my mind and am unconsciously walking to the exit.
“Anna” , Kenny stands right in front of me looking very concerned.
Perhaps he can make out something is wrong.
“Kenny, Hi”, I don’t smile and pretend serious and confused.
“Is every thing alright?” He comes a little closer.
Michelle joins him from the table, smiling at me.
“Yes, umm…I mean not really, Hi Michelle”
I gather guts and decide to leave “See, I am sorry, am in a hurry, I have to leave right now “
“Ohh, of course”, Kenny replies, “I hope u have all the help”.
“Yes, fine, thank you”
And I start walking.
“Anna”, I hear Kenny again
What now, I turn back.
“I am sorry but Merry Christmas to you “
“yea…Merry Christmas to both of you”, I can’t believe I managed that.
And take a cab, straight to the hospital.
Dam Parkinson is my colleague and a good friend. In fact, there is friendship between us to the extent that Dam and I hang out causally and he has helped me with a lot of issues in life. Gennie Whitefield is my roommate and she’s a common friend to me and Dam. Dam is handsome, intelligent and extremely funny. But I genuinely can’t pull myself to spend too much time with him because Dam is in love with me. Yes, he has proposed and every time I speak to him, I can make out his effort to hide the love from his eyes and therefore it’s not always smooth for me with Dam. In fact, I have been razor sharp with him when I knew I saw love in him. I think I can’t get over my breakup with Kenny . It’s insane. But I do not think I could ever remarry. The cab stops in front of the hospital making me blink about how long I have been thinking about Dam. I take my wallet out and feel a few dollops of tears drop into my hands.
God, please keep Dam safe.
- Anna's snags will continue
“Thank you, I am coming” I mumble to the waiter;I can’t hide how irritating this could get.
I swiftly walk up to the reception, pick up the phone and answer
“Gennie?”
“Anna, oh my god, I finally got you”
“Why in the whole world did you have to reach me on this number?” I control my temper to make sure my voice does not get loud.
“Anna, I have something important to tell you”
“You couldn’t call me on my blackberry?”
“Your blackberry was switched off. Anna listen, Dam met with a car crash”
I flip my gaze from my blackberry, which I took out to check if it was switched off to the receptionist. I can’t make out what Gennie was talking about.
“What? Dam? When ? Gennie, what are you saying?”
“Yes, don’t worry he’s out of danger. Dam was giving me a drop back home. I got out of the car to buy something and I don’t know, the car was hit and Dam was bleeding. I took him to the hospital. They are looking at him. Anna, I want you here right now” Gennie sounds nervous yet strong.
“Fine, I am coming, which hospital?”
Gennie is a strong person, I know she can handle things pretty well. But I need to go. Oh my God, Dam, what the hell. Thoughts just whisking through my mind and am unconsciously walking to the exit.
“Anna” , Kenny stands right in front of me looking very concerned.
Perhaps he can make out something is wrong.
“Kenny, Hi”, I don’t smile and pretend serious and confused.
“Is every thing alright?” He comes a little closer.
Michelle joins him from the table, smiling at me.
“Yes, umm…I mean not really, Hi Michelle”
I gather guts and decide to leave “See, I am sorry, am in a hurry, I have to leave right now “
“Ohh, of course”, Kenny replies, “I hope u have all the help”.
“Yes, fine, thank you”
And I start walking.
“Anna”, I hear Kenny again
What now, I turn back.
“I am sorry but Merry Christmas to you “
“yea…Merry Christmas to both of you”, I can’t believe I managed that.
And take a cab, straight to the hospital.
Dam Parkinson is my colleague and a good friend. In fact, there is friendship between us to the extent that Dam and I hang out causally and he has helped me with a lot of issues in life. Gennie Whitefield is my roommate and she’s a common friend to me and Dam. Dam is handsome, intelligent and extremely funny. But I genuinely can’t pull myself to spend too much time with him because Dam is in love with me. Yes, he has proposed and every time I speak to him, I can make out his effort to hide the love from his eyes and therefore it’s not always smooth for me with Dam. In fact, I have been razor sharp with him when I knew I saw love in him. I think I can’t get over my breakup with Kenny . It’s insane. But I do not think I could ever remarry. The cab stops in front of the hospital making me blink about how long I have been thinking about Dam. I take my wallet out and feel a few dollops of tears drop into my hands.
God, please keep Dam safe.
- Anna's snags will continue
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
A promise for Christmas.
The last time I was here was for the eve of my last birthday, when Kenny finally said he wanted to get married to me. For a moment I couldn’t believe him, ‘cause Kenny is someone who doesn’t usually give in to anything that easily. He was holding my left hand and I could see a glee of love on his face in the candle light that spread graciously from the White Chocolate Raspberry Truffle cheese cake on the table. For the umpteenth time I smiled at my super strong confidence that Kenny was the most handsome man I had ever seen. He was leaving for California the next day and I wanted to put a pause to everything and just stay there, staring into his eyes. I was going to miss him. Two weeks was not a small thing, you know.
“We will get married by the end of Jan; that’s like about 3 weeks from now ?”, he was smiling intriguingly and I didn’t respond. I couldn’t take my eyes away and think.
“Anna?”, he embraced my palm and I was forced to come back to the real world.
“hmmm…yea…you were..hmm..saying..something ?” I was embarrassed at my own dreamer-attitude.
“Good gracious, Anna ! “, he was still smiling and I had to make my ignorance up and smile intelligently, like he was the one being ignorant.
“I was talking about getting married by this month end. 3 weeks from now, how about that?” , he continued ignoring my attempt to appear smart.
” Hmm…yes, that would be fantastic, I..umm…I just can’t believe you are saying this, are you serious Kenny ?” Now this time I was again looking into his eyes but not with passion, I wanted to see a sense of assurance.
He only gave his trademark smile again and I couldn’t ask for more. I trusted his gestures more than his words. Sometimes I had this strange feeling that I was just trying to personify the man of my dreams in him. But it couldn’t be true, or I believed so, because it’s not really a year since Kenny and I were a couple and am here again at Cheesecake factory in New York , 11 months after I married Kenny and 4 months after we separated. I sit here thinking of the changes that year has brought about, single, married and divorced, broken and mending, my emotional ride through out the year.
It’s the eve of Christmas. The city is a spectacle. There is this red feeling of love that just blooms around in here every winter. I walk in looking for a private kind of place and choose a corner table by the window which lets me stick around for hours, watching the world go by. I look through the glassed up walls. It’s nice to see people making merry. Happier faces, forgetting the stress and work, the cakes smelling yummier and hotter than ever, snow just kissing away the blues of the year, Churches getting ready with lights and carols, Christmas is just too beautiful.
“Good evening and a Merry Christmas to you ma’am, would you like to have something”
I look up at this man standing right beside my table, offering me a menu which has a tiny wreath attached and he is wearing a Santa Claus hat and a very warm smile.
“Ohh, yes…umm..Thank you” I politely take the menu and he leaves. I decide to go for a club sandwich and a Peach Smoothie.
As he comes by, I find myself in a hurry to close the menu and place my order. I avoid his eyes when I tell him I would like the beverage along with the sandwich. It has become a habit to avoid anybody’s eyes who smiles at me, these days. Broken heart, you know.
“We will get married by the end of Jan; that’s like about 3 weeks from now ?”, he was smiling intriguingly and I didn’t respond. I couldn’t take my eyes away and think.
“Anna?”, he embraced my palm and I was forced to come back to the real world.
“hmmm…yea…you were..hmm..saying..something ?” I was embarrassed at my own dreamer-attitude.
“Good gracious, Anna ! “, he was still smiling and I had to make my ignorance up and smile intelligently, like he was the one being ignorant.
“I was talking about getting married by this month end. 3 weeks from now, how about that?” , he continued ignoring my attempt to appear smart.
” Hmm…yes, that would be fantastic, I..umm…I just can’t believe you are saying this, are you serious Kenny ?” Now this time I was again looking into his eyes but not with passion, I wanted to see a sense of assurance.
He only gave his trademark smile again and I couldn’t ask for more. I trusted his gestures more than his words. Sometimes I had this strange feeling that I was just trying to personify the man of my dreams in him. But it couldn’t be true, or I believed so, because it’s not really a year since Kenny and I were a couple and am here again at Cheesecake factory in New York , 11 months after I married Kenny and 4 months after we separated. I sit here thinking of the changes that year has brought about, single, married and divorced, broken and mending, my emotional ride through out the year.
It’s the eve of Christmas. The city is a spectacle. There is this red feeling of love that just blooms around in here every winter. I walk in looking for a private kind of place and choose a corner table by the window which lets me stick around for hours, watching the world go by. I look through the glassed up walls. It’s nice to see people making merry. Happier faces, forgetting the stress and work, the cakes smelling yummier and hotter than ever, snow just kissing away the blues of the year, Churches getting ready with lights and carols, Christmas is just too beautiful.
“Good evening and a Merry Christmas to you ma’am, would you like to have something”
I look up at this man standing right beside my table, offering me a menu which has a tiny wreath attached and he is wearing a Santa Claus hat and a very warm smile.
“Ohh, yes…umm..Thank you” I politely take the menu and he leaves. I decide to go for a club sandwich and a Peach Smoothie.
As he comes by, I find myself in a hurry to close the menu and place my order. I avoid his eyes when I tell him I would like the beverage along with the sandwich. It has become a habit to avoid anybody’s eyes who smiles at me, these days. Broken heart, you know.
I resume my gaze through the glass and suddenly flip my mouth open, my elbow slips off the table. It can’t be. Oh gosh, this is insane, it can be…HIM. But it is and truth always turns hostile with me, always. Kenny Witherspoon, my ex-husband and his new-found fiancée Michelle Blossom enter Cheesecake Factory hand in hand, fully in love. He says something in her ears and she turns pink and gives him a soft little push. Oh my GOD, why does it always happen with me? I must scuttle or he’ll catch me. Kenny and his girlfriend saying hello to me ! I would rather die than make myself a fool in front of them. I look for my phone and pretend to dial a number and hurriedly flip off the seat. I hide my face in hair and fumble for an exit, not daring to look up or straight. Oh yes, thank god I can see the exit and Kenny hasn’t seen me or he would have called out my name. For once, I escape. Relieved but still wheezing, I hold the handle of the door to just flee when I hear “Ms Anna … “.
It was like a lump of thunder banging across my chest. For an instance, I think I must just move on. I am still gripping the handle of the door not looking back. I open,
“Ms.Anna Sweetmore” . It’s clearly loud enough for anyone in the restaurant to hear. I have no choice but to gulp in the remaining energy, close my eyes and turn around forcing a gentle smile into my own face. I can’t pull out my voice but I manage a
It was like a lump of thunder banging across my chest. For an instance, I think I must just move on. I am still gripping the handle of the door not looking back. I open,
“Ms.Anna Sweetmore” . It’s clearly loud enough for anyone in the restaurant to hear. I have no choice but to gulp in the remaining energy, close my eyes and turn around forcing a gentle smile into my own face. I can’t pull out my voice but I manage a
“Yes ? “
“Ms. Anna Sweetmore ? ”
“Yes, it’s me “ I look through the corner of my eyes for Kenny and he looks shocked and surprised. I am obviously visible beyond question.
I heave a deep breath, convinced that Kenny has also made out that I was trying to flee the place, seeing him.
“Am so sorry ma’am”, continues the waiter whom I had placed my order to, “there is a call for you at the reception”.
“What ?”
“Ms. Anna Sweetmore ? ”
“Yes, it’s me “ I look through the corner of my eyes for Kenny and he looks shocked and surprised. I am obviously visible beyond question.
I heave a deep breath, convinced that Kenny has also made out that I was trying to flee the place, seeing him.
“Am so sorry ma’am”, continues the waiter whom I had placed my order to, “there is a call for you at the reception”.
“What ?”
“Ms. Gennie Whitefield is on line”
-- Anna will be back
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Another year gone...
And the end of another year ! Sometimes I stop and stare at Life cruising along, least bothered about if I am able to keep pace. The race is on with a mob of rats and am doubtlessly one, racing, sometimes not knowing where. Wish to stop and take a road, not wandered on by my straying footsteps. But then, they are not too sturdy, my feet I mean. I get bored easily and my volatile mind wants to try too many things. Anyways, I am just sitting here, thinking about the emotional ride I was on, through out 2007. By the end of it, I gasp at the number of mistakes I had done, so much to learn from and the least happening, so much to do and more importantly so much not to do.
The year has been kind, overall. It’s like life taking a more meaningful dimension altogether with newer relationships every year. Family and friends, some new, some gold and old, aren’t they the sole reason for the beauty of waking up to face another day with a smile? Life is void, sans love, yea, with years,I realize it is. Imagine being part of a crowd and not knowing a soul !That cannot be life! All my insane philosophies apart, I feel so thankful for having people to love and be loved beyond conditions or limitations. So grateful for keeping my loved ones out of all the horrific mishaps and accidents and bomb blasts, over the year. It spooks the hell out of me to question or imagine how guaranteed safety could be. My friend says, don’t question, don’t imagine, just thank god we are doing fine today. That’s probably the way of being happy.
Adding to the wish list this year would be a strong will to actually do things that bring in joy and meaning and purpose to life and not just sit and stare and do the talking only to the computer. When I do not want to reach any place the train is going to, why would I just have to be in it ? I wanna step out and make my own road, taking for granted I will still have the money to pay my bills.
I am learning to let go of some of those memories, which are sometimes too intense, in a nice or not-so-nice way. I wish I could be more forgiving towards life as life has been to my mistakes. Perhaps I am growing. I can feel the slow transformation of turning into a young woman from a careless girl. I wanna fill in more care, strength, peace, hope and love to my soul, letting life add grace to my age.
At the end of it, Thank you and good bye to another fantastic year, you made me a bit wiser. Scooping up some hope, I wish the year gets so wonderful and adventurous and beautiful by all means, bringing the world to be at peace with itself.
The year has been kind, overall. It’s like life taking a more meaningful dimension altogether with newer relationships every year. Family and friends, some new, some gold and old, aren’t they the sole reason for the beauty of waking up to face another day with a smile? Life is void, sans love, yea, with years,I realize it is. Imagine being part of a crowd and not knowing a soul !That cannot be life! All my insane philosophies apart, I feel so thankful for having people to love and be loved beyond conditions or limitations. So grateful for keeping my loved ones out of all the horrific mishaps and accidents and bomb blasts, over the year. It spooks the hell out of me to question or imagine how guaranteed safety could be. My friend says, don’t question, don’t imagine, just thank god we are doing fine today. That’s probably the way of being happy.
Adding to the wish list this year would be a strong will to actually do things that bring in joy and meaning and purpose to life and not just sit and stare and do the talking only to the computer. When I do not want to reach any place the train is going to, why would I just have to be in it ? I wanna step out and make my own road, taking for granted I will still have the money to pay my bills.
I am learning to let go of some of those memories, which are sometimes too intense, in a nice or not-so-nice way. I wish I could be more forgiving towards life as life has been to my mistakes. Perhaps I am growing. I can feel the slow transformation of turning into a young woman from a careless girl. I wanna fill in more care, strength, peace, hope and love to my soul, letting life add grace to my age.
At the end of it, Thank you and good bye to another fantastic year, you made me a bit wiser. Scooping up some hope, I wish the year gets so wonderful and adventurous and beautiful by all means, bringing the world to be at peace with itself.
I wish every one more of the best gifts of life, this year and every year to come.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Tagged again !
Thanks to Santosh for saving the puzzlement on what to post today !
1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?
Quite a few, dad, my sister in law, Aravind’s granny.
2. What were you doing at 0800?
Taking a shower.
3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Working !!! .
4. What happened to you in 2006?
So many things…got married, moved in to a new city, broke my arm…
5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
ohh..anything…I say IS loud…I think I said ‘Bye ‘.
6. How many beverages did you have today?
One.
7. What color is your hairbrush?
Pink
8. What was the last thing you paid for?
Marker pen.
9. Where were you last night?
Airport .
10. What color is your front door?
Coffee Brown.
11. Where do you keep your change?
In my bag, in a box in my showcase, in the car, which ever I access frequently.
12. What’s the weather like today?
Outside, it’s kinda ok, inside , I am feeling blue
13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
I prefer a combo of butterscotch n chocolate.
14. What excites you?
Almost everything.
15. Do you want to cut your hair?
Nope.
16. Are you over the age of 25?
Yes.
17. Do you talk a lot?
Yes, but only to people I am really close with.
18. Do you watch the O.C.?
huh ?
19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
Nope.
20. Do you make up your own words?
Yes, sometimes..
21. Are you a jealous person?
Nope.
22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.
Anju.
23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.
Kumaresen.
24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
Aravind’s dad.
25. What does the last text message you received say?
That my bank account is running low.
26. Do you chew on your straw?
oohh, I hate that.
27. Do you have curly hair?
Yes.
28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
back home from work.
29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
None !
30. What was the last thing you ate?
Chicken Noodles.
31. Will you get married in the future?
huh ? of course, not.
32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
haven’t seen any in the last month.
33. Is there anyone you like right now?
anyone ?? I like about hundreds of people.
34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
may be a month back when my maid was away.
35. Are you currently depressed?
not exactly depressed, but a little , hmmm..., should I say lonely ?
36. Did you cry today?
Nope.
37. Why did you answer and post this?
Reason1 : I wanted to update my blog
Reason2: I usually oblige to invitations.
Reason3 : I badly needed a break from the 4-hour long analysis I had been through.
38. Tag few people who would do this survey.
I think Scribbler hasn’t taken it. So am choosing her. !
1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?
Quite a few, dad, my sister in law, Aravind’s granny.
2. What were you doing at 0800?
Taking a shower.
3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Working !!! .
4. What happened to you in 2006?
So many things…got married, moved in to a new city, broke my arm…
5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
ohh..anything…I say IS loud…I think I said ‘Bye ‘.
6. How many beverages did you have today?
One.
7. What color is your hairbrush?
Pink
8. What was the last thing you paid for?
Marker pen.
9. Where were you last night?
Airport .
10. What color is your front door?
Coffee Brown.
11. Where do you keep your change?
In my bag, in a box in my showcase, in the car, which ever I access frequently.
12. What’s the weather like today?
Outside, it’s kinda ok, inside , I am feeling blue
13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
I prefer a combo of butterscotch n chocolate.
14. What excites you?
Almost everything.
15. Do you want to cut your hair?
Nope.
16. Are you over the age of 25?
Yes.
17. Do you talk a lot?
Yes, but only to people I am really close with.
18. Do you watch the O.C.?
huh ?
19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
Nope.
20. Do you make up your own words?
Yes, sometimes..
21. Are you a jealous person?
Nope.
22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.
Anju.
23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.
Kumaresen.
24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
Aravind’s dad.
25. What does the last text message you received say?
That my bank account is running low.
26. Do you chew on your straw?
oohh, I hate that.
27. Do you have curly hair?
Yes.
28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
back home from work.
29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
None !
30. What was the last thing you ate?
Chicken Noodles.
31. Will you get married in the future?
huh ? of course, not.
32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
haven’t seen any in the last month.
33. Is there anyone you like right now?
anyone ?? I like about hundreds of people.
34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
may be a month back when my maid was away.
35. Are you currently depressed?
not exactly depressed, but a little , hmmm..., should I say lonely ?
36. Did you cry today?
Nope.
37. Why did you answer and post this?
Reason1 : I wanted to update my blog
Reason2: I usually oblige to invitations.
Reason3 : I badly needed a break from the 4-hour long analysis I had been through.
38. Tag few people who would do this survey.
I think Scribbler hasn’t taken it. So am choosing her. !
Thursday, October 25, 2007
A Love that was arranged - Concludes.
They talked about it again and again and finally decided to stop slogging over the discussion that found no solution.
They left the place when it was almost three hours, sitting there, and as they sauntered slowly, both of them were looking away from each other.
Anju’s mind was on a rove, that night , thinking whether she was taking the right step.
The discussion had grown to be a debate and eventually a cause of worry to both of them. They had spent hours talking on the phone. They had gone out, shopped and dined together and felt good about it all.
But this seemed to define and set limits for their future.
‘May be Ram cannot compromise. May be I am being too adamant to adjust Am I?. May be… May be we both cannot get along well. May be, arranged marriages always have opposite priorities. ’ It was an endless list of maybe’s that tormented Anju the whole night. And she was intrigued by the fact that she was taking the subject a lot more seriously than she would have otherwise and she had to put herself one final question , was she in Love with him ?
‘Damn, No. What the hell. I hate men and I don’t want to get married and I am not compromising on my career . My job means the most to me.’ She concluded and fell asleep, whilst the dawn cracked.
“Papa, I want to talk to you”. Anju said in a mushy voice, the next morning.
Anju’s father looked at her intriguingly.
“Papa, I want to quit my job. “
There was a silence and she was embarrassed by it.
“What are you saying baby. I know how much that means to you”.
“Papa, I hate to leave it , but …”
Anju’s mother walked in, looking at her grimly
“I want to travel with Ram. He would be away on work most of the year and I think it’ll be a dire thing to lead a lonely life, after marriage”.
There was silence again and Anju desperately wanted it to be shattered as she was astonished by her own words and the smile on her parent’s face.
“You don’t need to, dear”. Anju’s mother helped her break the stillness.
“Ram had called up in the morning and he told us he has decided to switch his workplace that would keep him here for at least a couple of years. He said, he does not want to be flying around the world, while you are here .”
Anju could not deem what she was hearing. Her eyes were wide open and she wore a surprised smile.
“Anju dear, we are proud to see you both ready to compromise for each other.” Her father patted her.
Anju ran to give Ram a call.
“Hello, Ram here”, came the answer.
“You changed your mind ! “ , Anju’s voice was still mushy.
She could not wait for an answer but Ram kept mum.
“I did not want this relationship to be tested too much”. He said, finally.
“Neither did I, But you said you wanted to go”.
“That was until the moment, I fell in Love with you “ , came the reply.
They left the place when it was almost three hours, sitting there, and as they sauntered slowly, both of them were looking away from each other.
Anju’s mind was on a rove, that night , thinking whether she was taking the right step.
The discussion had grown to be a debate and eventually a cause of worry to both of them. They had spent hours talking on the phone. They had gone out, shopped and dined together and felt good about it all.
But this seemed to define and set limits for their future.
‘May be Ram cannot compromise. May be I am being too adamant to adjust Am I?. May be… May be we both cannot get along well. May be, arranged marriages always have opposite priorities. ’ It was an endless list of maybe’s that tormented Anju the whole night. And she was intrigued by the fact that she was taking the subject a lot more seriously than she would have otherwise and she had to put herself one final question , was she in Love with him ?
‘Damn, No. What the hell. I hate men and I don’t want to get married and I am not compromising on my career . My job means the most to me.’ She concluded and fell asleep, whilst the dawn cracked.
“Papa, I want to talk to you”. Anju said in a mushy voice, the next morning.
Anju’s father looked at her intriguingly.
“Papa, I want to quit my job. “
There was a silence and she was embarrassed by it.
“What are you saying baby. I know how much that means to you”.
“Papa, I hate to leave it , but …”
Anju’s mother walked in, looking at her grimly
“I want to travel with Ram. He would be away on work most of the year and I think it’ll be a dire thing to lead a lonely life, after marriage”.
There was silence again and Anju desperately wanted it to be shattered as she was astonished by her own words and the smile on her parent’s face.
“You don’t need to, dear”. Anju’s mother helped her break the stillness.
“Ram had called up in the morning and he told us he has decided to switch his workplace that would keep him here for at least a couple of years. He said, he does not want to be flying around the world, while you are here .”
Anju could not deem what she was hearing. Her eyes were wide open and she wore a surprised smile.
“Anju dear, we are proud to see you both ready to compromise for each other.” Her father patted her.
Anju ran to give Ram a call.
“Hello, Ram here”, came the answer.
“You changed your mind ! “ , Anju’s voice was still mushy.
She could not wait for an answer but Ram kept mum.
“I did not want this relationship to be tested too much”. He said, finally.
“Neither did I, But you said you wanted to go”.
“That was until the moment, I fell in Love with you “ , came the reply.
Monday, October 22, 2007
A Love that was arranged - Part 2
She worked for a school, with the administrative department. She loved kids and loved her job. And she was so happy to spend the evenings either shopping with her mother or chilling out with her college buddies. She felt coerced at the thought of being pulled away from the life she was too acquainted with and more threatened at the thought of spending the rest of her life with a stranger.
And as she drove, she sighed at the fact that the day had finally come, when her parents would want her to get married and have another life. She thought about her college days. She had been a freak, back then. There were always some conceptions on marriage, on her mind. She had never been in love. Sometimes she wondered if she would fall in love and then get married. But she had never met a guy, she thought she admired. Anju had a few good friends, a couple of them boys. But they were just friends and the friendship to her was too noble that she never in the wildest hallucinations saw any of them as her boyfriend. A smile surged over her lips as she remembered two other guys who had proposed to her in college and the way she had just whisked both the proposals off.
And a couple of days later, they met. Anju and Ram were sitting in the park , as their parents decided to take a stroll around.
Ram smiled at her. “ I don’t know what to talk .” He smiled again.
” Mom and dad and more particularly my brother and bhabhi have been pestering me to get married for sometime and I managed to flee the whole idea. But now, they seem to have grown aggressive. And here I am, talking to you. “ He looked at her and they both smiled.
“So tell me, tell me if you don’t like me “ he tried to joke.
“Honestly, I have never given serious attention to the idea of getting married. “ Anju said, ” And mom and dad have not discussed it with me either, until they met your family. I am just happy with the school and home. But yea, Life cannot be the same through out. And they finally made me say yes to meet you up.”
And they talked for not more than 40 minutes. The chat invited topics on their interests, friends, the latest movies in town and their favorite restaurants in the city and then they badly wanted their families to come back.
So that was it. Anju did not have an answer when her parents asked her, later that night, if she found him boring.
“Mom, all I know is he’s a business analyst with an IT firm and he’s looking quite good. It’s too early to decide and besides we did not talk on getting married” .
The next morning, there was a call from Ram’s father saying Ram was ok with the wedding. And Anju’s parents were thrilled when she said,
“He seems ok to me. And if you people want to go ahead with the plans, I don’t want to say no” .
They could not believe what they had just heard. They were elated and Anju smiled.
Later that evening, Anju received a call from Ram. He sounded matured on phone.
“Listen Anju, they asked me If I liked you and I said yes, because there was nothing to be disliked about you, as long as our meet went. And I heard from pa that you have no issues as well. But I know it’s too early to commit on something as serious as marriage. Anju, err, if you want to take time before deciding, I would never object and besides, we did not talk about our life together. I mean your plans and mine.
Would you be comfortable quitting school. I mean, I would never ask you to, but
my work involves a lot of traveling. So I think, we need to talk over a few things that might crop up later.”
Ram said quite a few important things and Anju felt he sounded very serious. And she wondered if he was basically a serious person. And they talked for a couple of hours. But at the end of it, they had not convinced themselves that they were doing it right, because there were issues to be talked about and resolved if they wanted to go ahead with the wedding.
Ram somehow had the strange feeling that his career might disturb Anju’s and that would be a problem. And he was sure Anju would be thinking the same thing.
So, it was a fortnight, an engagement ceremony and few jaunts that had all happened between them.
There were more smiles with every meeting and once Ram tried to tease her, when a bunch of teenage school chaps giggled , as they recognized Anju, with him.
The evenings slid in as they indulged in more conversations and coffees and as the night got lit up, they realized it wasn’t too tough after all, to talk about life to a person who had been a stranger, till a few days back and would be the better half for the rest of their lives.
Anju knew, they both still had questions for each other, and more importantly to themselves. Sometimes she wondered if Ram was the kind of guy, she would be comfortable with and she frowned as she doubted if Ram was going through the same thoughts.
And this day, they sat in the coffee parlor and tried to talk about their Life together.
Anju told him she loved the school and he understood she wanted to continue working.
She felt too joyful to be involved with the kids. And there were events coming up and few big plans. She was expecting a promotion to the management unit. Her MBA had groomed her managerial skills finely that she was sure she refused to think about quitting work.
They both had careers they loved and that would draw them in two different directions. But they appreciated that they had decided to talk about it.
They tried talking of making compromises. But eventually, acknowledged the fact that they could not, as far the career was concerned.
They liked each other and had enjoyed being in each other’s company.
“But, this is Life, Anju. We need to settle on compromising something for us to think of a sharing a life” , Ram said, this time on a very serious tone. “If we cannot give up on something, I think it would be better to part ways, before issues get tightened:”
Anju looked at Ram in surprise. Was he hinting at calling the wedding off.
“Are you sure, you would not be able to postpone your trip or change your job ?” Anju wanted to know.
“Of course, I can’t, the most I can do is try and get another job that would keep me here”
“Can you do that ?”
Ram did not answer for a while.
“I don’t know. I don’t want to do that. I love my job”.
-- To be continued
And as she drove, she sighed at the fact that the day had finally come, when her parents would want her to get married and have another life. She thought about her college days. She had been a freak, back then. There were always some conceptions on marriage, on her mind. She had never been in love. Sometimes she wondered if she would fall in love and then get married. But she had never met a guy, she thought she admired. Anju had a few good friends, a couple of them boys. But they were just friends and the friendship to her was too noble that she never in the wildest hallucinations saw any of them as her boyfriend. A smile surged over her lips as she remembered two other guys who had proposed to her in college and the way she had just whisked both the proposals off.
And a couple of days later, they met. Anju and Ram were sitting in the park , as their parents decided to take a stroll around.
Ram smiled at her. “ I don’t know what to talk .” He smiled again.
” Mom and dad and more particularly my brother and bhabhi have been pestering me to get married for sometime and I managed to flee the whole idea. But now, they seem to have grown aggressive. And here I am, talking to you. “ He looked at her and they both smiled.
“So tell me, tell me if you don’t like me “ he tried to joke.
“Honestly, I have never given serious attention to the idea of getting married. “ Anju said, ” And mom and dad have not discussed it with me either, until they met your family. I am just happy with the school and home. But yea, Life cannot be the same through out. And they finally made me say yes to meet you up.”
And they talked for not more than 40 minutes. The chat invited topics on their interests, friends, the latest movies in town and their favorite restaurants in the city and then they badly wanted their families to come back.
So that was it. Anju did not have an answer when her parents asked her, later that night, if she found him boring.
“Mom, all I know is he’s a business analyst with an IT firm and he’s looking quite good. It’s too early to decide and besides we did not talk on getting married” .
The next morning, there was a call from Ram’s father saying Ram was ok with the wedding. And Anju’s parents were thrilled when she said,
“He seems ok to me. And if you people want to go ahead with the plans, I don’t want to say no” .
They could not believe what they had just heard. They were elated and Anju smiled.
Later that evening, Anju received a call from Ram. He sounded matured on phone.
“Listen Anju, they asked me If I liked you and I said yes, because there was nothing to be disliked about you, as long as our meet went. And I heard from pa that you have no issues as well. But I know it’s too early to commit on something as serious as marriage. Anju, err, if you want to take time before deciding, I would never object and besides, we did not talk about our life together. I mean your plans and mine.
Would you be comfortable quitting school. I mean, I would never ask you to, but
my work involves a lot of traveling. So I think, we need to talk over a few things that might crop up later.”
Ram said quite a few important things and Anju felt he sounded very serious. And she wondered if he was basically a serious person. And they talked for a couple of hours. But at the end of it, they had not convinced themselves that they were doing it right, because there were issues to be talked about and resolved if they wanted to go ahead with the wedding.
Ram somehow had the strange feeling that his career might disturb Anju’s and that would be a problem. And he was sure Anju would be thinking the same thing.
So, it was a fortnight, an engagement ceremony and few jaunts that had all happened between them.
There were more smiles with every meeting and once Ram tried to tease her, when a bunch of teenage school chaps giggled , as they recognized Anju, with him.
The evenings slid in as they indulged in more conversations and coffees and as the night got lit up, they realized it wasn’t too tough after all, to talk about life to a person who had been a stranger, till a few days back and would be the better half for the rest of their lives.
Anju knew, they both still had questions for each other, and more importantly to themselves. Sometimes she wondered if Ram was the kind of guy, she would be comfortable with and she frowned as she doubted if Ram was going through the same thoughts.
And this day, they sat in the coffee parlor and tried to talk about their Life together.
Anju told him she loved the school and he understood she wanted to continue working.
She felt too joyful to be involved with the kids. And there were events coming up and few big plans. She was expecting a promotion to the management unit. Her MBA had groomed her managerial skills finely that she was sure she refused to think about quitting work.
They both had careers they loved and that would draw them in two different directions. But they appreciated that they had decided to talk about it.
They tried talking of making compromises. But eventually, acknowledged the fact that they could not, as far the career was concerned.
They liked each other and had enjoyed being in each other’s company.
“But, this is Life, Anju. We need to settle on compromising something for us to think of a sharing a life” , Ram said, this time on a very serious tone. “If we cannot give up on something, I think it would be better to part ways, before issues get tightened:”
Anju looked at Ram in surprise. Was he hinting at calling the wedding off.
“Are you sure, you would not be able to postpone your trip or change your job ?” Anju wanted to know.
“Of course, I can’t, the most I can do is try and get another job that would keep me here”
“Can you do that ?”
Ram did not answer for a while.
“I don’t know. I don’t want to do that. I love my job”.
-- To be continued
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
A love that was arranged.
“And so will I be “, Anju replied when Ram told her scornfully that he would be a lot more occupied with his business assignments, for the next one year.
She looked at him, took her eyes off and smiled, in perplexity over the Life that was arranged and hoped to be bloomed between them.
This was the fifth time since their engagement, Anju and Ram went out together. They were in a coffee parlor, down the road where Anju’s workplace was, to discuss the plans they had for their wedding. The first few times they met, they talked about the list of friends to be invited, the count of days they would be off work for, the places they would visit post wedding and the places to shop. They had enjoyed the conversation and they kept it light and friendly.
But this time, Ram seemed to be too keen on his agenda for the next year. He would be away at his client’s location for five months, immediately after the wedding. And he wanted to know if Anju was interested in accompanying him.
“The new project, I am sure, will keep me traveling around for a while. I am off to Australia, in about ten days after the wedding. Might take five months until I return.
And I will have to fly again in another month. Anju, I don’t want to amuse you, with all the travel stuff. It could get tiring. But I leave the decision to you. If you want to come with me, then we need to get your visa processing initiated and you’ll need to decide on your job” .
Anju gazed at him. She did not have an answer. She did not want to have one.
And she hoped Ram would understand her silence. Ram looked away, thinking his plans might have intimidated hers. They sat in silence and watched the world go by, bending down occasionally to sip their coffee. This was the first time, since their two-week courtship, they had talked less and felt a bit uncomfortable.
Anju and Ram were engaged for a week now and had known each other one week before the engagement. To both of their apathy, it was arranged. Their parents had met over a common comrade’s wedding and the tête-à-tête deduced to the point of getting their offspring meet up. If they would feel ok with each other, things would be great. And that is precisely what had happened.
“Mamma, I don’t want to get married now. And I am not meeting anybody. I can’t believe you just fixed up something as important as this with out even asking me ! “
Anju was in plain anguish, over what had been discussed to be arranged, when her mom told her two weeks back about the proposal that had come up.
“Beta, we are not forcing you for this, in any way. We are simply asking you both to meet up sometime and see if you can get along at all. I promise that will be all. “
Anju’s mother tried to put her hands on her daughter’s cheeks as they spoke the same thing for she did not remember how many times, that day.
“And If I don’t like him ?” Anju snapped.
“We are not even going to think about it again”. Her father assured her, as he gently pressed her shoulders, from behind.
Anju sat there with a cranky mood and managed to listen as her father continued.
“We are never against your wishes, sweetheart. And we have always loved to see you live by your choices. But now that you don’t seem to have anything else on your mind, why not give this a try. Just a try and that’s it . You are 24 and mom and I feel this is the right time for you take another big leap in your life. And who knows, this could be the best thing to you. “ he smiled as he looked longingly for a positive gesture in his daughter’s eyes.
Anju replied. “Okay. Bu if I don’t like him, don’t even bother to pull me again to this crap, until I decide to get married. “
“Never, never”. Anju’s mother’s voice was relieved.
Anju smiled at both of them and picked her bag as she checked on her watch, ready to leave. And she drove off in her two-wheeler.
--- To be Continued
She looked at him, took her eyes off and smiled, in perplexity over the Life that was arranged and hoped to be bloomed between them.
This was the fifth time since their engagement, Anju and Ram went out together. They were in a coffee parlor, down the road where Anju’s workplace was, to discuss the plans they had for their wedding. The first few times they met, they talked about the list of friends to be invited, the count of days they would be off work for, the places they would visit post wedding and the places to shop. They had enjoyed the conversation and they kept it light and friendly.
But this time, Ram seemed to be too keen on his agenda for the next year. He would be away at his client’s location for five months, immediately after the wedding. And he wanted to know if Anju was interested in accompanying him.
“The new project, I am sure, will keep me traveling around for a while. I am off to Australia, in about ten days after the wedding. Might take five months until I return.
And I will have to fly again in another month. Anju, I don’t want to amuse you, with all the travel stuff. It could get tiring. But I leave the decision to you. If you want to come with me, then we need to get your visa processing initiated and you’ll need to decide on your job” .
Anju gazed at him. She did not have an answer. She did not want to have one.
And she hoped Ram would understand her silence. Ram looked away, thinking his plans might have intimidated hers. They sat in silence and watched the world go by, bending down occasionally to sip their coffee. This was the first time, since their two-week courtship, they had talked less and felt a bit uncomfortable.
Anju and Ram were engaged for a week now and had known each other one week before the engagement. To both of their apathy, it was arranged. Their parents had met over a common comrade’s wedding and the tête-à-tête deduced to the point of getting their offspring meet up. If they would feel ok with each other, things would be great. And that is precisely what had happened.
“Mamma, I don’t want to get married now. And I am not meeting anybody. I can’t believe you just fixed up something as important as this with out even asking me ! “
Anju was in plain anguish, over what had been discussed to be arranged, when her mom told her two weeks back about the proposal that had come up.
“Beta, we are not forcing you for this, in any way. We are simply asking you both to meet up sometime and see if you can get along at all. I promise that will be all. “
Anju’s mother tried to put her hands on her daughter’s cheeks as they spoke the same thing for she did not remember how many times, that day.
“And If I don’t like him ?” Anju snapped.
“We are not even going to think about it again”. Her father assured her, as he gently pressed her shoulders, from behind.
Anju sat there with a cranky mood and managed to listen as her father continued.
“We are never against your wishes, sweetheart. And we have always loved to see you live by your choices. But now that you don’t seem to have anything else on your mind, why not give this a try. Just a try and that’s it . You are 24 and mom and I feel this is the right time for you take another big leap in your life. And who knows, this could be the best thing to you. “ he smiled as he looked longingly for a positive gesture in his daughter’s eyes.
Anju replied. “Okay. Bu if I don’t like him, don’t even bother to pull me again to this crap, until I decide to get married. “
“Never, never”. Anju’s mother’s voice was relieved.
Anju smiled at both of them and picked her bag as she checked on her watch, ready to leave. And she drove off in her two-wheeler.
--- To be Continued
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