In the middle of the night sometimes, I stretch around him quietly to watch him breathe. Now and then, I lean in closer hoping to catch a smile or a jiggle of his little finger. The apple breath, the candy skin, his butter love, the I-love-you smile – it’s hard to go back to bed even at 4 a.m. And almost always, I wonder. I wonder if I can or how far I am gonna have to try to make him believe….in life, in life despite the heartbreaks, in simple ways, in the world, its craziness, in people, in goodness, in honesty, in grandparents, in love, in trying, in faith, in failures and that it’s inevitable, in losses and that it’s imminent, in smiles, in hugs, in home, in friendships, in Santa Claus….
