In the middle of the night sometimes, I stretch around him quietly to watch him breathe. Now and then, I lean in closer hoping to catch a smile or a jiggle of his little finger. The apple breath, the candy skin, his butter love, the I-love-you smile – it’s hard to go back to bed even at 4 a.m. And almost always, I wonder. I wonder if I can or how far I am gonna have to try to make him believe….in life, in life despite the heartbreaks, in simple ways, in the world, its craziness, in people, in goodness, in honesty, in grandparents, in love, in trying, in faith, in failures and that it’s inevitable, in losses and that it’s imminent, in smiles, in hugs, in home, in friendships, in Santa Claus….
1 comment:
Wow, just read through your blog... I feel like I should ditch my blog now, it's no where close to your standards. Your writing is incredible, evocative and deep... quite impactful. You've been through the madness and resilience is slowly taking over, making you more insightful. Loved the story about the Scandinavian girl, and the little bit here as you gaze at the baby by your side... beautiful. You're brave, you've laid it bare here... I just graze the surface, I don't dwell too deep, the deep stuff is usually scribbled out in my diary in varying hues of rage, tranquility or ramblings. Love always...
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