In the middle of the night sometimes, I stretch around him quietly to watch him breathe. Now and then, I lean in closer hoping to catch a smile or a jiggle of his little finger. The apple breath, the candy skin, his butter love, the I-love-you smile – it’s hard to go back to bed even at 4 a.m. And almost always, I wonder. I wonder if I can or how far I am gonna have to try to make him believe….in life, in life despite the heartbreaks, in simple ways, in the world, its craziness, in people, in goodness, in honesty, in grandparents, in love, in trying, in faith, in failures and that it’s inevitable, in losses and that it’s imminent, in smiles, in hugs, in home, in friendships, in Santa Claus….
Monday, January 5, 2015
What do we do when we run out of inspiration? What happens when our mind is too comfortably dead that it almost feels like it’s not worth a drop of sweat to push yourself any harder? What happened to that thing that once ignited fire in your soul? Simply put, what do we do when we end up becoming lazy ? You know, on her ‘The life you want tour’, Oprah Winfrey said something like if you really do have a passion, then it’s a crime to spend your life ignoring it. If you don’t have a calling, then go do something new every single day and make your life a journey of finding your calling. Well, there is still a chance you might end up never finding it, but if you have really spent your life looking for it, that should be enough too. But I am not sure that applies to my situation here. What I need to know is what if you are completely aware of your true calling but just lack the spirit to pursue it every single day of your life? Now that I have given up on prayers and all that stuff, who should I contact to buy some real, soul-awakening, mind boggling, breath-shortening, better-than-everything-else-kind-of-feeling inspiration ? Books perhaps? Travel maybe? Sounds ridiculous ! Or do I just drink up some unadulterated caffeine and stick my ass onto the chair until I’m done with that business, for a few minutes every day? Yeah, I think that’s what I need - I need to chain myself up for twenty minutes every day and work on that damn passion. I will write a book, or learn to crochet. Whatever. But twenty minutes. I need a chain….