I think one side effect of cancer is really underrated – the aftermath it leaves on the family watching their loved one losing it all in the battle. I mean, losing it all – health, happiness, hope and hair. I remember when they put those kinky wires all around mom several times a week, she would muster her petite, left over portions of energy up to ask, ‘so how long should I keep my hands steady?’ The nurse would smile and offer her reassurance a.k.a sympathy, saying ‘until we get the medicine in, not long.’ Things constantly beeped around her or threw some random numbers. Sometimes the doctor took pity and decided to skip a test or two. He would look at us and fake it, ‘she’s fine for now.’ We would nod, faking it back. Those days, I saw a lot of her hair up close. Mostly because she lay facing the wall, most of the day. It was growing back from the last chemo. Many little spirals that resembled Fusili, they curled up and snuggled all around her little head now, like every strand there was trying its luck at every chance left to fight back to life. I have a feeling her hair really loved her back, the only thing about her body that cancer could not really conquer.
But in the end, it’s a war we were going to lose. It’s a meaningless war. It’s a meaningless disease.