Confessions of a software Engineer

I’ve been contemplating the question for time, I must say, since I moved out of college . Three years into the profession still finds the same question lingering.
And when I finally decide to look deep into myself to dig out some answer, the response is depressingly not in par with what I am incidentally doing.

And I ask again, “Are people really happy being SOFTWARE ENGINEERS? “

Well, I can for sure hammer down on the point that this is not one of the finest things to do in life, at least for me !
Because, I am doing the chore of parking myself in front of a computer and design or study software, used by populace, remotely familiar to me.

Fortunately or unfortunately I have been through it for three years and sometimes I am surprised at this fact because from the day I started learning computers till day, I know there was not a single moment when I enjoyed what I did on computers nor admired the way it worked.

The business fascinates me to a certain extent. A study on it, I believe would keep people enthusiastic ‘coz one can then relate the work to practical real-life applications. But staring into somebody else’s software code, trying to understand what it is, preparing a report on that, while you are wriggling about the head or tail of it , attending meetings to give answers to the never-say-die-deadlines and take some more questions from the senior peers to have more work , rushing back to the computer and rack brains again over the same thing to meet deadlines….
I mean…what the heck….why am I doing this !!


But over the few years of experience I have gained, I must say I have managed to do the work pretty ok and have managed to impress my bosses (though I never felt deeply satisfied with the effort, myself and have always wondered how my boss did).

And oh yes, there were so many a time when I really felt like fleeing this completely uninteresting thing that I continue to do and dreamed how nice it would be if I simply stopped coming to office, one fine day. (This feeling descends on me habitually when I get assigned with fresh dead lines and a technology that sounds Like all Greek and Latin ).

I know myself pretty well. I do not want to christen myself with titles like ‘Determined-to-do-her-best-despite-disliking-it ‘ .
But the fact is that it is partially true. I continue to do it despite disliking it.

I wonder why !!

But talking of one side of a coin, it’s worth peeping onto the other side, as well, for a change.

There are definitely things out in this job which have been value-add to my life.

This tag of being a software engineer fetches me pretty good money.
Good (but I would have made money, had I been doing something else too !)
I must admit that I take immense pleasure in answering the question “what do you do” . It throws in this conceited feeling in me when I say I work for this company, which is globally HOT in the industry. Alright but I wonder how amazing it would have been to answer the same question like, “I am a writer/ I am en editor for this magazine/ I own a coffee shop/boutique / I am an anchor for a personality development foundation…” Wow ….This is so incredible.

Okay, let me try and focus on the positive side of being a SOFTWARE ENGINEER and not on any other profession that I DID NOT get into !!!

I still dream big. Good. Or am I a day dreamer ? Ohh no !

Quite sporadically, I imagine myself to be owning my own boutique or teaching a bunch of smart students or be a full time writer or be a corporate planner in a great company, thinking and working on the lines of development of the business and functional structures of the company(whoa...that was some sentence )

But it has turned out that my qualification and experience identify me as a software engineer.

Yes, I can tune my writing skills to become a profound writer someday. And it does not require a qualification but a lot of practice and determination. (But Sunday evenings are the only time I might settle down to let my creative skills peep over my otherwise-so-hectic routine and all the channels have their best programmes on Sunday evenings and let go of the pen and paper).


A Teacher ! I like teaching and I think I am fairly good at it . Alright. But let me give myself a gentle reminder that I NEVER wanted to become a Teacher. (Oh, How I wish I had a group of students to learn the most extra ordinary arts of Living and the skills required to groom oneself that are disappointingly not part of the curriculum in our educational system).


An Entrepreneur !! To take the sole ownership of the management of my own store which introduces people to goods that are creative, attractive and uniquely carrying my style. A boutique, a super market, a coffee shop. How exciting !! I would travel across the globe in search of the vividly unique and high quality stuff and learn the art of marketing.


An able corporate planner who is noticeable at the sheer entry of hers everyday and is associated with the events and the planning of the actions that will help the company become a better work place. Talk to people. Travel . Collect ideas. Implement. And in the process of all, grow as an individual.

But HELLLOO !!

These opportunities DID NOT knock my door or rather, honestly speaking I did not prepare myself to hear any of those knocks.

I should have been keen on pursuing a degree on MBA in a decent college if I truly had a vision of my dreams. But wait a minute, did I really dream about big things those days ?

Ohh yea, the fuss and craze of college Life withered my focus a little too much, albeit, that is how college Life is and I was a loving them all. And I know I had a great time .

So there slips down the story of how my dreams landed with a bang !

So, what else did I expect out of Life ? Did I think some angels would come down to grant me all my wishes and I would have everything set in front of me, just like that !!!

Whatever,
I seem to be pretty clear about what did not happen and more clearly why. So I SHOULD also be clear about what I must or must not be doing now or in the future at the least !

But I am not !! I still dream about things which are out of scope of my practicality. I keep whining on how interesting Life WOULD HAVE BEEN otherwise and just not on how best I can make out of the present Life !

Are these not signs of a DAY DREAMER ????????????

OH MY GOD !!!!!

OH MY GOD !!!!!

AM I REALLY A DAY DREAMER !!!!!!!!

I CAN”T BELIEVE THIS !!!

I ALWAYS THOUGHT I HAD A NOT-SO-BAD-THINKING SYSTEM !!

BUT HERE I PROVE THAT I AM A DAY DREAMER AND I AM NOT PRACTICAL, NOT REALISTIC, NOT AN OPPORTUNIST !!!!!

OHH NO . FEELS LIKE I HAVE JUST REALISED THE TRUTH !!!!

SOFTWARE ENGINEERING HAS INDEED BEEN AN EYE-OPENER !!!!