I me and more..

I took this from Anju's blog. But as I did it, it seemed to take a long time. Yea, someone rightly said the longest journey is always the one inwards, into the soul.

I am: pretty light with temperament.
I think: we need to slow down once in a while and lay our neck back and take a deep breath.
I know: I am not too target-oriented.
I want: to be the editor of a life-style magazine, have my own boutique, own a fabulous looking home, travel the world.
I have: a great blessing in the fact that I am capable of letting go of things.
I wish: people were more considerate about being kind and nice
I hate: it when cars don’t slow down to let the pedestrians cross or when you type a nice,long message on office communicator and the respondent just says back a ‘k’ or a ‘s’.
I miss: College,a few of my friends,Bangalore,
I fear: being left behind in the rat race.
I feel: a sense of vacuum inside my own self sometimes
I hear: people talking, the incessant hitting of keyboard, someone’s sharp heels giving a tap-tap on the ground
I smell: the mixed fruit juice that I had over lunch
I crave: for times I can just chill out with friends, with a drink and talk about anything under the sun
I search: my hair brush, my mobile, my hanky for about 4-5 times a day
I wonder: how life will be in a couple of years
I regret: having fallen into the box of being a computer engineer.
I love: Grilled Chicken with mayonnaise, coffee with chocolate sauce n whipped cream, being home on Saturdays listening to music, friends (both the TV Series and real-life ones), Early morning coffee with mom n dad , the aroma of flavored creams, AR Rahman’s creations, Sunrise from rooftop, to smile, to be me,to live and yes to love.
I ache:.when I don’t see value for relationships.
I care: not to let go of any relation I have, friends & family despite the disagreements and differences.
I am not: carried away by any kind of advertisements. I buy only for the value of the product.
I believe: that if you love life, it will love you for sure.
I dance: pretty good I say, but on the stage in front of people, my legs always tremble.
I sing: hmm, pretty ok I believe. Aravind asks me to sing some songs again n again, so I guess am not pathetic.
I cry: but I make sure no one sees my tears.
I don’t always: like something that the majority of my folks like.
I fight: sometimes to get over my insecurities.
I write: my heart out.
I win: occasionally
I lose: more than I win, but that’s how life is, it’s ok
I never: Use the F* word
I always: get up hoping for some miracle to happen that day, every day.
I confuse: myself more about why I wouldn’t just decide
I listen: to everybody’s opinion.It kinda puts things in very different dimensions.
I can usually be found: very easily around.
I am scared: of darkness, lonely nights, reptiles, spooky movies
I need: the power of mind to make the best of what is on life
I am happy about: feeling the warmth of love every now and then..

Home,Life etc...

The weekend was excruciating. I had a hard time cleaning up the mess my home went out to be after a month’s negligence. But at the end of the day, it’s great to have your place all tidied up and organized. May be I should capture a pic of it, not all often do I get to see the neatness I have of it. This is my world, it lodges all the craziness that maketh me. Sometimes I feel I should be more kind to it and think twice before flinging things all around and just go mad looking for them the next day. Okay, the triumphant emotion I sense after I find what I had been looking for is great, but the time and the emotional vagueness that form the saga of running all around drains some valuable life out of me, uuff ! Talking of it, one of the most beautiful feelings I go through every day is to come back home from a tiring and mundane day of work. It’s a blessing to have someone waiting at the doorstep with a smile to collect the milk packets that often are on the whim of eloping my handhold. That was my maid and am really thankful I have her at home. Or more truly, I am thankful there’s nothing or nobody that hauls me out of bed every morning, asking what’s for breakfast today. I enjoy cooking though, the tang of vegetables and ghee as you sauté them, the flavor of ground Indian spices, the aroma of the whole experience of cooking for the soul is blissful; it’s just that I can’t do it everyday as part of my daily chore. I cook for a hobby and that offers me the love to experiment. I recently discovered some exotic ways to make coffee. Ohh yea, Bru has come about with a wide spectrum of flavored coffee mixes. All you need to do is mix with hot or cold milk, shake up and sip ! I am pretty skeptical ‘coz the last time I tried Bru Cappuccino, it didn’t come closer to an actual cappuccino. This post is seemingly streamlining my ideas to kitchen. Shuffling up, music is the other companion I keep at home, my hubby being the 1st one, I must say. There is this channel named Rosebowl that treats us to some decent music and movies with comparatively fewer number of ad breaks. I guess the channel is aired only inside Trivandrum. I saw kelly clarkson’s video for the 1st time on this channel yesterday and she is more like Hilary Duff, isn’t she? Whatever, it’s time to wind up the day and my blog is blushing red after the fruity make over. I like this change, all reddy n goody ! Change, that’s one thing I can count on, let alone the humdrum timetable that boxes us in everyday. When we wake up tomorrow, there’s something or somebody new, ready to say Hello to us. If it wasn’t for change, life would have buried itself down deep in the woods when things shook up the whole of everything a couple of years back. Love, Life and all, it’s great to be alive, ready for the next change. Drr…trr….that’s me unconsciously sucking my empty cup. My hot chocolate has vanished into my tummy long back. So for now, Good night.

Dasavatharam...

After almost 2 years of hyping the expectation levels in people, I was nearly sure this is one movie I would catch up with in a theatre, just to treat myself to the sound and visual effects in full force. I went to see the so-called magnum opus of Kamal on the 3rd day of its release and returned with a lot of questions racing thru’ mind. First of all, I flatly deny the tag hanging on to the movie - this is NOT anywhere closer to be called a Magnum Opus of an actor who excels in quality equally with world cinema. So what if he takes 10 different avatars? That does not qualify the movie to a safe place in the critique’s court. The plot is strongly purposeful; a biological warfare which loops in world class scientists, CIA-turned terrorists, FBI and even US president George Bush. I took a while to make some sense out of the flow of the plot from a 12th century diversification between the vaishnavites and the Shaivaites where Kamal plays the steadfast Vaishnavite who leaves his family behind and dares to die because he does not want to say ‘Om Namah Shivay’. The only link this thread has with the movie is the point that the massive sculpture of Lord Vishnu which Kamal is tied with and dropped into Ocean is thrown back to the shore by the Tsunami waves, about 8 centuries later.

The movie is an entertainer, sure, from start to finish. But that's just the least that has saved it from hitting the below-average mark. It's a visual kickshaw, no doubt. But when the flavor goes high with ingredients like the genius in Kamal Hassan, there'sn't much that satisfies his intelligent fans apart from the magnitude of hardwork that has gone into it from the editing and the visualization part. For me who has grown up admiring the brilliance in Kamal's movies, the word 'Classic' just fades away from the plate that carries his master pieces on serious subjects like Kuruthipunal or Mahandi or Nayagan or a delicacy of humor like in Micheal Madana Kama Rajan or Sathileelavathi ....the quality these movies carried in every respect of Cinema is just adorable. What is more incredible is the point that the beauty of this was achieved when we did not have super eminent technicians like Ravi Varman or PC Shriram doing the work behind the cameras. PC Shriram was part of Kuruthipunal, though, I believe When it is a magnum of a few intelligent minds making a movie, people do not expect anything less than an Opus and only when the product of the combined work strikes out all the records it has set in the hearts of movie goers, I would call it a Magnum Opus. I believe I have seen more in Kamal and that's my solid base to expect more from him. If you attempt to take viswaroop with 10 different avatars, it's just another slot in the Guiness Records for you, alright and Congratulations for that but sorry that hasn't helped me stand up and give a standing ovation at the end of it like I wished it did. Kamal, good job but Dasavatharam is definitely not a splendor that any Kamal Hassan-lover was expecting it to be.

Will you be my Hero ?

Aren't black men scoring high over whites when it comes to their screen presence ? I was watching 'The Siege' and couldn't resist acknowledging the fact that nobody else could have done the character of Anthony Hub Hubbard other than Denzel Washington. Now my 1st statement could be called racist because I used the word 'black' to address someone. But how in the world would I rephrase it ? Speaking of it, Denzel is not really handsome if you visualize him to be one of those middling man walking against you in a crowd. Would you notice him ? So what's it that which makes him, well, look-able when he says 'Drawp the gun naaawhh' . His attitude? His dressing ? His style ? His Voice ? Or simply the power of his character ? Wht's it in a person that tickles the oomph-thing in the opposite sex? A friend of mine has turned away from so many good looking faces of wanna-be prince charms simply because she didn't feel the bang on the 1st go. That made me ask what would I look for in a guy ? I donno.....not much...my kinda guy...well is just simple with words, straight with thoughts and comfortable with the pace the world moves on !! The most handsome men I have met in my life are not completely great looking, they just got that style factor somewhere in the way they live. A man needs to have a sense of hygiene of course, of himself and his things, but hey, this is a human thing, irrespective of the gender. I think the 1st thing I would look for in anybody is the sense of cleanliness in his/her thoughts and words. Men in my eyes appear more handsome by words than their looks. I wouldn't care for his eye color or hair texture or complexion as long as the only jewel I find on him is the watch, the mobile too, yea. I am not going to be a staunch critic here but do men really think wearing neck chains and ear studs and colored hair and crappy lettered Tees will give a go with gals ? I think world has moved on from Bappi Lahri and Aerosmith.
The best way I have felt (I wouldn't use the word judge because I am a strong believer in the fact that being non judgmental is the nicest way to have friends) to understand a man's attitude is to talk to him when he's accompanied by a girl, his friend, his sis, his wife, whoever but that somehow exposes the best and the worst in him. He has got the best of brands layered on his body , alright, but if I find his hands scraping the girl for nothing more than a physical reason, I would just feel pity both for the girl for having him in her life and for the brands he's wearing coz they helplessly are sitting on the wrong person. A man should learn to keep his romance and religion private. If not, try movie and politics ! The two are always the dice to watch out for the style in men, all types, intellectual, articulate, stylish, romantic, brave, well dressed and very importantly and more in politics, Witty .
And yea, if you think making a sleazy mock of everyone around is the coolest way to be humorous, get lost.

It was too long, but I had to come back !

Tuck-Clack-Tup, yeaa,, my engine must have dried up of friction, that’s ok continue flying. Hmm……(Wide grin), my paws accentuate the movement of my body to move on top gear. Gliding through the clouds, who said the city burns during May!! Am feeling like sliding on ice…oohh, that must be the white skies. Whatever, it’s all nice…I have had a pretty wonderful flight…. So far..! Tuck-Clack-Tup…again now what the hell is that….the noise nudges me to turn around…myself…and…what rubbish…my wings are gone !! My feathers…..my bird-like body……Gosh….I am no more a BIRD !!!! And I am dropping down…to the hub of cemented trees and the world of racing creatures !!! THUD-THUD-THUD…oh mine, leave my knees alone, they are already ruptured ! Nobody to help, grumbling, I lift myself up, Yea, I know dreams always have a horrendous end!! These weird ones I say !! And ho, my monitor dutifully flashes the words as I grumble over the aches my keyboard gave my forehead. I frown but manage to read them …….“Welcome Back to Blogging !!”

It's beautiful to fall in love..

I wanted to write on this one because Smith (Smitha, that’s what she is actually, a good friend at work; if you have been a regular reader of my blog, she features occasionally on my posts and almost regularly on comments) is leaving her spinsterhood for good. Now we get to see her only hitched to either phone or gtalk all the time and wear a naughty smile throughout ;not to blame her, it’s a long distance courtship that they are building, so things could only be slow and steady and they are. I hope she enjoys it all, u know all the sudden changes life brings about; all the frenzied plans to buy this and that, go shopping almost everyday, make plans for the wedding, get lost over too many advices and suggestions as to what to eat and what to leave, choose colors and jewels and eventually feel utterly puzzled if the choice was right. The pre-wedding season could drive you crazy and make you feel beautiful at the same time. But beyond all, it’s the feeling of slowly becoming someone else’s that makes it all wonderfully warm and soothing. Wishing you both a wonderful love. For the moment, Smith, go on, take a chill pill and watch these movies so you could set the floor ready for the candle light dinners and long drives and who knows, may be you could watch them together..
Sleepless in seattle, Jerry mcguire, vivah, when harry met sally, love actually, hmmm..I would keep updating this list as and when I remember more; they could be of help to learn to blush more easily, not that the blush that sweeps your cheeks now when you are on phone is bad. You just need to learn to be comfortable with it ! :)

Last night I dreamt of you,

like every other night. I know you will dismiss this with your indignant, ‘there you go again’. But hold on, I take my last attempt to collect all those illogical thoughts and put them on paper, for the last time so you could try and make out what it means to be in love and yet lonely. All these days, I was crazy about you and everything about you that I almost missed to realize that I could never ever be your love. I hoped only falsely that you would understand one day and things would be fine. You didn’t and I am not complaining. Perhaps, I should thank you for molding my belief in love. I probably didn’t know that it’s not love to just keep writing letters, like I always did and feel okay about you crushing them all. I wonder if there was no love, why did you have to read them after all. I love you so much that it now hurts badly to keep loving and keep getting ignored in return. I saw you in the café with your new found love, last evening. And trust me, it did not make me cry. For a moment, I felt alright seeing you smile with another man. I am not bitter, really. I know we would be 50, 60,70 someday and it’s nice to wish for all that we want to be. I don’t even know how life would be with out thinking about you or insanely trying to attempt another letter or a gift which I hoped would could change your mind .I hate that I am clueless, but I have had enough that I want to just leave you with your life and I don’t really care what ever comes of it, my life or yours and it seems like a damn good idea to move on. All the letters and flowers that you eventually chucked out, I am happy you did and there’s nothing that reminds me of you or how insane I was. I want to sleep the nights out, hugging the pillow, and go fishing with some wine and party with friends and play squash. I haven’t experienced it in years and oh man, I haven’t had a Life all these years. With this I am gladly burying all your memories and when I wake up, I want to go back to life and be ready to hope that one day I will have my girl, I am yet to meet. Any day, you don’t have to think about where the hell I would be in life for you know, I would be fine though you wouldn’t see me creeping on you with my letters, right now, and am going back to some sleep and wouldn’t really invite you to my dreams. So, just relax.

PS - I felt, melancholy takes better shapes in the hands of a male and I have written like a boy; hope this is set straight. :)